Taking Back Summer

At long last, Summer classes are finally over! I would jump for joy and do a little jig, but in this instance, I just want to crawl into bed, nuzzle my pillow, and if it weren’t hot, I’d cocoon myself in my blanket. Part of me actually wants to break into a song and dance number just to celebrate and revel in the moment. I finally have my freedom back, but it’s like being at the finish line after a long, arduous race and you’re ready to drop dead, that’s how I feel, right now. Happy, but extremely worn out. I suppose the most accurate, the best, and most suitable word to describe what I’m feeling is, relief. Finally! I can breathe a little easier. Of course, I’m still worried about my grades, but that’s another battle. For now, I’m just going to take it easy. 

Summer classes went by fast and slow simultaneously. We were in a hurry to cover all the necessary topics, squeezing a semester’s worth of learning into the span of barely a month, but going to school from Monday to Friday was such a drag, I tell you. Technically, Summer classes are supposed to be until today, but yesterday was my last day, since my PI 100 class had wrapped up the previous Monday and my Speech 111 followed suit, one day shy of the actual end of classes. So I can afford to be laidback today, I’ve earned my day-off.

Anyway, yesterday, as part of my Speech 111’s culminating activity, we had to deliver a piece in class, be it a poem, essay, or excerpt, employing everything we had learned about good voice and diction, and afterwards we had a small party. It was really enjoyable listening to the different materials, some were hilarious, some somber, but everyone had a chance to shine. And then we all snacked before parting ways. I only grabbed a few bites because I didn’t want to spoil my appetite for lunch, and to be honest, I was eager to get home and get on with my vacation. Well we were a pretty small class, so you could say we had grown fond of each other, after spending a whole month together, and I’m glad I took a worthwhile elective for Summer, but the call of Summer trumps all else.

Let me just share my makeup and outfit yesterday. As I’ve said, we had an oral reading and we were asked to dress appropriately for the occasion. UP doesn’t have a dress code, and except for some strict professors who have their own house rules when it comes to students’ attires, generally you’ll see anything and everything from ratty old shirts and slippers, provocatively short shorts, to the most conservative of get-ups and posh color-blocking and prints.

I always try to look presentable and I take care to dress nicely, but some days I get lazy, and I just wear whatever’s on top of the pile, or whatever’s on the first hanger I can reach for in my closet. But yesterday I wore a magenta colored sleeved dress. I just love how it hugs my body and makes it look like I have curves where they don’t exist! I also wore a pair of white wedges to offset the bold color of the dress.

Here I’m wearing Nyx Round Lipstick in Narcissus. How fitting. A Barbie electric pink just for a girl like me. I also used my Dollface 88 color palette here and applied a little bit of cream and gold eyeshadow, which unfortunately is so close to my complexion, that it’s hardly noticeable, and my hooded eyes don’t help matters much either. At least it complements my whole ensemble. Le sigh. My eyebrows are in need of grooming too. But never mind. Here I’ve already got on the Ellana foundation in Café Breve that I switched to from the old shade I was using, White Choco Mocha. Can you see a difference from my old posts? I can’t say. It’s very subtle, but I get less of the pinkness, and it’s a lot closer in skin tone to my neck and chest, so that’s good. And the blush I used was Happiness, I love the glow it gives without making me look flushed. Just right!

And I also have on the green color corrector I bought! I am amazed, I didn’t think it would really be that effective at neutralizing, versus covering up my rosacea that I used to do with traditional skin-tone concealer. I mean, in principle, I get how it works, but I was a bit skeptical if it would do much for my rosacea, and I didn’t have really high expectations. And to be honest I wasn’t sure how a powder concealer would hold up, if it would adhere to my skin and not get brushed away by the succeeding layer of foundation I applied over it. I just wanted to try it out and see if it would help reduce my redness at all, and at PhP 190 for 2.5 grams, I was sold.  But look and see for yourself! The fine blue and violet veins I have near the corners of my mouth nearly vanished and the red blotches on my forehead and cheeks were visibly less glaringly red than before! I’ve found a winner here! Next time I’ll get their under eye concealer, such promise, and I never knew!

With that, I closed Summer classes, on a high note. I hope my grades won’t prove me wrong though. And even if the first semester is closing in on me fast, the remaining days of sweet Summer and our upcoming trip to Singapore are what I look forward to the most. Two weeks that I can still call my own.

Gratitude and Love: Mother’s Day Celebration

Our family isn’t vocal or demonstrative when it comes to affection. We don’t say I love you to each other or that sort of thing, it’s kind of implicit or a given. It’s just not us, we’re not prone to being all cuddly and expressive. We’re not touchy-feely. We’re not even big on gift-giving. When we were kids, yes we were, on receiving, that is. But as we got older and harder to please, our parents would just buy generic stuff because they never knew what to get us. I’ve grown older and (none the) wiser, but I’ve tried to show my appreciation and gratitude to repay my parents for taking care of me. I know just how hard it is to love me, how difficult I can be. And I know that while it seems there are times that my family drives me up the wall (and vice-versa), deep down, of course, I love them. Despite them, and in spite of myself, I do. We argue, fight, bicker, scream, and shout, and on occasion I get into catfights with my sisters (I know no maturity when provoked), but we’re family, and nobody can stand my weirdness like they do. And vice-versa.

Anyway, Mama and I don’t always get along. And that’s an understatement. I guess we’re too much alike in the wrong ways for that. We’re both too bullheaded for our own good and so we always lock horns or butt heads a lot, in a manner of speaking. I wouldn’t say I’m a rebellious or defiant child, but then again that’s a biased opinion. I have a mind of my own and I do things my way, and needless to say, that doesn’t make for the closest or warmest of mother-daughter relationships. So through the years, Mama and I have had our rough patches, and lots of friction in between, but we’ve stuck it out and put up with each other. What can you do? In Filipino, hindi matiis.

It’s only in recent years, that I’ve been saving up my allowance, that I’ve gotten presents for my family. They do say that it’s the thought that counts, and actually, the act of gift-giving is in itself a gesture, that conveys more than whatever gift it is one is giving, because giving is a gift as well. So I knew Mother’s Day was coming up, and I was stumped as to what to get Mama. Last Thursday, I knew time was running out for me, since I wanted to surprise Mama, and my window of opportunity to buy something for Mama unsuspected, was closing fast. I did a mental rundown of what Mama might like for Mother’s Day. We’re not the overly sentimental type, so flowers, while touching, just wilt and then there’s no other use for them other than looking pretty. I guess you could say we’re utilitarian that way, we appreciate more practical or consumable gifts that are useful, and then you remember the giver and how thoughtful they were to give gifts that served a purpose or satisfied a need. With flowers, ornaments, trinkets, and décor crossed off the list, I went to food, clothes, services, and cosmetics. But then I already bought a cake for Mama before, and as for clothes, I’m no good with guessing Mama’s size, as there’s no standard, and while I know Mama’s size in a particular brand, other brands vary, so I threw that out too. Last Christmas I got Mama a voucher for a full body massage, but I wanted to try something else this time. And I was left with cosmetics. For Mama’s most recent birthday, I got her lipstick, and I thought, you can never have too many, but then if I went to the mall after school, I would be missed, and then I’d have to come up with a cover story, and that’s such a hassle. Then I considered ordering from online shops, but then it might not get shipped in time for Mother’s Day.

That’s when I had the idea to go to Human Heart Nature! Their main branch in Commonwealth is close by enough, and I pass it everyday going home, that even if I were thirty minutes late, I could brush it off as staying after school to do research or whatever. The last time I went to their store, was before the renovation, so I was excited to see what it looked like and the new products they were offering and I knew Mama would also be pleased. Win-win, so they say. So last Thursday, I planned to make a quick stop at Human Heart Nature Commonwealth on my way home after school.

I had a presentation in one of my classes that day, so I dressed up a bit, and wore a printed red dress with layered tiers. It’s just an unbranded dress that I got in a small stall, almost a flee market really, in Hong Kong. I don’t remember how much it cost because that was back in 2010.

What I love about it is the unique print, it’s not really a design, just a pattern of different colors, as if you splattered different colored paints on a red canvas. It has a very light and breathable fabric, so it’s very comfortable and I like how the tiers in the skirt part give it some volume and it’s not just a plain old dress. I didn’t want to match head to foot, so I wore a pair of gray peep-toe flats. Unfortunately, I was a little heavier when I bought this, so with my current weight loss, it’s a little loose fitting on me. It’s not a big problem, but if not for the garter in the waist, I would look straight up and down.

 

As for my face of the day, please excuse my puffy eyes. Since I’ve started wearing makeup to school again, after my acne outbreak subsided, I’ve had to go back to waking up fifteen minutes earlier and it’s been an eye-bag inducing adjustment.

Here I have on Ever Bilena’s matte lipstick in Mauvey. I kept my lip color neutral so as not to clash with the bold colors of my dress.

I love looking fresh and radiant, sans the eyebags, of course, and I actually don’t really comb or brush my hair before going to school, I just fix my part and my bangs, but I leave the rest of my hair alone because I like the tousled, out of bed wavy look. By the time I get to school, it gets limp, so it’s no use combing or brushing, either way.

My last class finished early that day, and it was perfect for my trip to Human Heart Nature, because of the spare time, I’d get home the usual time and there’d be no questions asked. So after class, I drove the same route home, but I watched out for Human Heart Nature. Commonwealth is really, really long, and sometimes, I over/under estimate exactly where, along the span of Commonwealth, certain establishment are, especially since, when I drive, I pay more attention to the road, and though I notice the places I pass by, I don’t always remember the precise locations, and instead I have a vague idea of more or less their vicinity. For example, it’s near a gas station, and the like.

So when I was on Commonwealth, I drove under the speed limit for once, instead of the speed limit itself, so I could look out for it and not miss it. Anyway, I spotted it as soon as I saw the sign from a distance, and I made my way to it, but the area of Commonwealth where it’s at is near a pedestrian overpass, so jeepneys and buses make a stop there for passengers to get on and off, and that means, it’s hard to squeeze in there to find a parking space, with all the public transportation in the way. Thankfully, their security guard at the storefront assisted me in parking my car, giving me signals when I went in reverse. Even after over a year of driving without a chaperone, I still get unnerved in tight parking spaces, especially with going in reverse. I have a small car, so it’s relatively easier to squeeze into small spaces, but still, I break a sweat when I have to park in reverse. Thank God for that helpful security guard.

When I went inside, the layout was much the same as the old one, it was slightly bigger, with more shelving and seating, and more décor, but it was still the same interior, very cozy and homey. There was free coffee, but I’m not really fond of coffee and I wasn’t planning on staying long, anyway, so I passed. I browsed their newest products first and then I did a quick survey of the shop.

In the end, I chose the brand new Strawberry Hand and Foot Salve because Mama is always on her feet and she suffers from dry and cracked heels and since Mama works with her hands a lot, she can get dry hands too. I also got Mama the Natural Hair Mask because she sometimes has trouble taming her hair as it tends to get frizzy a lot. I thought both those products smelled really good and that Mama needed and would have a use for. I’ve tried other Human Heart Nature products myself in the past and I was pretty satisfied with the results, and I love how they don’t use any harsh chemicals and everything’s natural. I was tempted to buy some products for myself, but I told myself it could wait, and I went there for Mama and not for me. Another time, perhaps.

Actually, I also wanted to buy Mama one of their lipsticks and an eyeshadow trio, but the shades I wanted were out of stock. I was disappointed that even in the main branch they didn’t have everything readily available, and I would have understood, I wouldn’t have minded much, but one of their cashiers had such a bad attitude that it turned me off. The makeup that they have on display are testers and samples, and if you want to proceed with a purchase, you have to ask at the counter for brand new stock. I approached their counter and the attendant was in the middle of a telephone conversation. I didn’t interrupt her or anything, I just excused myself and waited for her to finish her call. I clearly announced myself and made myself known. But instead of acknowledging my presence with even a slight nod, or a simple “One moment, please,” and I would have been happy to wait, mind you, she just completely ignored me. Even when she finished talking on the phone, I had to get her attention yet again. I was thoroughly insulted, and I felt like she was so dismissive of me! And even when she finally entertained me after being so utterly inattentive, she was such a slowpoke, and by then I had run out of patience! When I inquired about the makeup, she didn’t know if it was in stock, and took a long time finding out, only to tell me they were out, and she was just pokerfaced and absent. Unacceptable!

I know I sound entitled, but I’m a paying customer! I was already angry and I just paid for the two items in my basket and I didn’t look around anymore for any other products. The only saving grace were the polite security guards yet again, who held the door open for me and assisted me in leaving the parking space and merging back into traffic. I was mildly placated by this good service, that I tipped the security guard, and I don’t normally tip, unless people go above and beyond to guarantee customer satisfaction. When I got home, I even sent a Tweet to the Twitter account of Human Heart Nature and they apologized and said they would see to it. I should hope so!

I hid my surprise present in the back of my closet, and bided my time for the perfect opportunity to present Mama with my simple and small token of love. I was busy on Friday with an exam, and on Saturday, I was slaving away on paper due for Monday. We had made plans to celebrate the occasion by going to Trinoma for lunch after hearing mass because there was another sale. Just this morning, at breakfast time, I greeted Mama and gave her my present. She seemed glad and I was happy that I could offer a little something and that I could brighten her day even just a bit. Again, I’m not the “I love you” kind, so I have to find other ways.

After breakfast I got ready for our day out and I wore a pale blue denim dress and my favorite pair of green sandals. I love how the blue denim looks old and faded and the details of the buttons, the garter, the stitching on the top, and the frill on the sleeves and the layering of the skirt part all add to the preppy look.

It’s a little big on me, because it was the last piece at the time that I got this, and smaller sizes were no longer available, but I liked it so much I just made do. But it being oversized does give it a more casual air. It looks like I’m out to have some lighthearted fun with my family and my dress isn’t in the way. HAHA!

I also wore this in Ilocos and it’s very comfy. I know it’s a bit short for Church, but whatever, okay. Don’t judge.

 

My makeup is pretty much the same-old same-old. Here I’m wearing Nyx Round Lipstick in Tea Rose and you won’t be able to see it because I have hooded eyes, but I have a tiny bit of cream colored eyeshadow on.

We were late to Church, but the mass also started late, so we were still on time, as it happens. There were more people than usual at that time slot, but that’s probably because today’s Mother’s Day after all. I can’t recall what the Gospel was about, but anyway all the priest talked about in the homily was tailored for the occasion, so it doesn’t really matter. It was all about paying tribute to all the mothers out there. There was a different priest today, not the Indian one from last week, but a Filipino one, and he had a Bisaya accent, so at times I had to strain my hearing to understand what he was saying. One of the readers, an old woman, also kept mispronouncing “Peter,” instead of the long “e” sound she used the short “e” and it was so off, and I felt so mean sniggering inwardly, but I couldn’t help it. That’s what you get when you take a voice and diction class, you’re all the more conscious not just of your own mistakes, but more so of others’. The mass was okay, I guess. The homily was appropriate, but also very generic, about a mother’s sacrifice. It was heartwarming, but I’ve heard it all before. What else is new? I would have hoped for something more personal from the priest.

After that, just like last week, we went to the mall straightaway. I actually wanted to offer to drive for Mama and the rest of the family, but I decided against it, since Mama wouldn’t have wanted me to. They still don’t have any confidence in my driving skills, and they’re afraid I’ll put them all in danger, so Mama would rather drive herself and get stressed out than have me behind the wheel fearing for her life as well as ours. I like to think I’ve improved greatly, but like I said in the start of this entry, Mama and I don’t agree on things like my driving, and besides, when I sense that my passengers are nervous, I also get nervous. This leads to me being jumpy, and at the tiniest little thing, Mama barks at me, like “Watch out for that motorcyle!” even when I do see it coming, and this vexes the hell out of me and makes for a tense car ride. So, for everyone’s peace of mind, Mama drove us to Trinoma.

We got there as the mall was just opening and there were plenty of parking spaces left, and we found one a short walk away from the mall entrance. It was still early, so we did some shopping before lunch. We went to The Ramp, Crossings, and I checked out the small outlets of the online shops for Charm Makeup Brushes, Dollface Cosmetics, and Ellana Minerals. I had been meaning to buy myself a proper eyeshadow palette and some makeup and more makeup brushes for the longest time, but I hadn’t gotten around to it because I prioritized buying my own camera first. But since I’ve been saving my allowance this summer and I got back the money I spent on my camera, I could afford it already. I don’t go to Trinoma often though because the layout does not make any sense, and whenever we go there, it’s like we’re walking in circles, and the stores don’t go in any logical order, and we’ve experienced going from one end of the mall to another unable to find what we were looking for, so I thought this was the right opportunity to get the makeup I’d long been yearning for, when Mama suggested Trinoma for Mother’s Day. I could always order online anytime, but then I waited to go to Trinoma because it seemed more reasonable, than to shoulder the additional cost of shipping, not to mention the inconvenience of depositing bank payments, contacting the sellers, etc. Face to face transactions with tangible outlets are still best.

So, I bought myself the Dollface 88 Color palette, the budget, or the most basic and versatile palette for a noob like me who just wants more variety, and some products from Ellana Minerals. I checked out Charm Makeup Brushes, but I didn’t get any more stuff, because I was already way over-budget, I still have to set aside money for our trip to Singapore in case I find something I like over there.

Since I’d checked out Dollface Cosmetic’s website long ago, I already knew what I wanted even before I went there. I was actually surprised by how compact the entire palette is! It somehow looked bigger in pictures, but of course that because of zooming in. But if you compare it to the mascara I got in the picture above, and to the small jars of Ellana products, you’ll see how small it is. I chose this palette, apart from the obvious reasons that it was the cheapest one at PhP 800, because I think it offers me the best color selection and the range is suitable for day and night and for bold and for neutral looks. What more can a girl ask for?

I really liked how helpful the salesladies were. I picked out the Ellana products before the Dollface palette, and the one assigned to Ellana was off somewhere, but the Dollface saleslady who was around attended to me to the best of her ability, and only went away apologetically to fetch the Ellana saleslady when my questions were already in depth about the Ellana products and were outside of her knowledge. When the Ellana saleslady arrived, she helped Mama and me pick out products for ourselves. Mama bought some blush, and I got well…a handful of products. I’ve been using Ellana Mineral’s foundation and blush for over a month now, and I’m really happy with the results, so I wanted to try out more of their products. I like how the products are local, yet are very high quality.

The first time I got anything from Ellana, I only bought 1 gram sample sizes for PhP 100 each, and from daily use, my foundation was already running low. I wanted to get a bigger size, the 4 gram jar, to last me a longer time, but it was out of stock, so I bought another 1 gram size. The shade I’ve been using is White Choco Mocha in Intensive Blend for oily skin, but I only picked that out from swatches online, and here there were complete testers, and I also asked for a second opinion from the saleslady, and she recommended that I use Café Breve instead. They’re both in the lightest shades, but they differ in undertone. Ellana’s shade guide says you should pick your undertone based on the color of the veins under your wrist. If your veins are mostly blue, you have a cool undertone, and your skin is pinkish. If your veins are mostly green, you have a warm undertone, and your skin is on the yellowish side. But if you have a combination of blue and green veins, that means you have a neutral undertone and you’re more olive skinned.

It sounds pretty simple, but it’s kind of tricky for me because I have both pink and yellow undertones and I have both blue and green veins. In the past, I used more pink based foundations to favor my face, but that would bring out the yellowness in my neck. When I tried yellow-based foundations to match my neck instead, it brought out the pinkness of my face. So I tried Ellana’s neutral undertone, and upon first application, it does come off on the pinker side, but since I’m acidic, it oxidizes later on to be a closer match to my skin. But both Mama and the saleslady agreed that I should switch to Café Breve of the warm undertone because that’s still more dominant, and I thought maybe they were right. I will road test this tomorrow to see if it does match me better, if not, at least I only got a sample size, and not a full size.

The rest of the Ellana products I got were a 1 gram jar of blush in the shade Happiness for PhP100, a 2.5 gram jar of their green color corrector at PhP 190, and 6 gram jar of their HD powder for PhP 420. I already have their blush in Fetish, but I wanted to try another shade, and the green color corrector is for my rosacea, to at least help neutralize some of the redness and my blemishes. I’ve been using Krave Minerale’s Oil Eliminator and Skin Hydrator, but I’ve almost run out, and since I was already buying a few things from Ellana, I thought I’d give their HD powder a try. It was only available in 6 grams, so I got it, and anyway, I’d probably use it up in no time, so no sweat.

After I got what I wanted at Ellana, I briefly considered buying a kabuki brush from either Charm or Ellana, but I have more than enough makeup brushes at is it, so I decided not to buy one anymore. I called on the Dollface saleslady and asked for the 88 color palette and she got one for me. I liked how, even though I was buying it in person, and not getting it shipped, it was still lovingly and carefully double-bubble wrapped inside the box and outside it. She even accompanied me to the closest counter, and it was a really big help because it was actually in the other end of the store. My total reached PhP 1610! My, oh my! No more spending for me until Singapore! I need my pocket money for shopping over there!

After that, we went to have lunch. We originally planned to eat at Conti’s, but Mama had a sudden craving for KFC! HAHA! We were on our way to Conti’s but we passed KFC and Mama had one whiff of the fried chicken and vetoed. It was her special day and so we went along, but who doesn’t like KFC? We ordered a bucket meal and just some mashed potato and coleslaw for Mama for our fixings and gobbled it all up with generous helpings of gravy from the nearby gravy refill station. I forgot to take a family picture because we were all so engrossed in lunch, sadly. There was a photo booth area, my sisters weren’t up to it, but Mama was, and we took some pictures, and then there was option to send it to you e-mail address or to publish it on Facebook, but there was an unknown error, even though I was following the directions, so I couldn’t retrieve a copy. Boo. And here we had some cute pictures too.

In any case, we went to Landmark Department Store, where the sale was, since it wasn’t mall-wide, unlike SM’s big sales. And surprise, surprise! Apart from the discounts in Landmark, Maybelline was having its own sale and all the products were on 20% off, I think. My Cat Eyes mascara that I’ve been using the past few months was actually getting dried up, and I needed to buy another tube, and there it was, from PhP449, it was marked down to just PhP 359! And Mama also bought herself a nice lipstick from Maybelline and some Baby Lips lip balm for my youngest sister, all discounted, so she offered to pay for my mascara, since I paid for all the things I bought earlier! Of course, I didn’t say no when Mama was in the mood to buy me mascara! Thank you, Mama!

We bought some other toiletries in the cosmetics department before we went to the clothes, shoes, and apparel section. Mama and my sisters looked for bathing suits, since I already got one the last trip to the mall, but Landmark didn’t really have a wide selection of swimsuits, so only one of my sisters got a swimsuit. We didn’t have any luck either with clothes and shoes, so we went to the Home Department. That’s usually Mama’s thing, furniture and appliances, but we tagged along since it was Mother’s Day. We didn’t buy anything more at Landmark, and we were ready to go home, because there’s not actually much to see or do at Landmark.

On the way back to our car, we stopped to buy a chocolate cake from Hungry Pac. We tried it right away when we got home, as dessert and sort of an early merienda or afternoon snack. It was really moist, fresh, and light and the icing was really good. It’s not as heavy or rich as most cakes, and not too sweet either, so you can help yourself to a thick slice and not get sick or in Filipino umay or suya. I only got a medium sized slice, though.

All in all, Mother’s Day this year was nice. I hope I’ve managed to make Mama happy today. Our relationship is far from perfect, but we keep at it and we’ve stood by each other through thick and thin, because family’s all we’ve got. It’s not a bed of roses at all, but we have our moments, and that’s what counts. Love is love.

Thank you, Mama!

Missing Out on Zalora’s Grand Launch: Of Regrets and Indecisiveness

In my life, I’ve done things that I’m not proud of. Who hasn’t, after all? It’s more often the case that I tend to do things that I live to regret later on, like all of my brash and reckless decisions. But I mostly chalk that up to experience afterwards, and I learn from it and try not repeat history and my past mistakes.

However, the worst kind of regret is the should have/would have/could have kind of regret. It’s so much worse to regret not doing something than it is to have done it, because that inaction condemns you to always wondering what might have been if you hadn’t hesitated. I can’t quite explain it, but it’s like love that never even was in the first place is more painful than a love that was lost, because it never even had a chance, and one is left entertaining all the possibilities. It’s agonizing, going through all the scenarios and outcomes in one’s head, if one had only taken a risk. And the thought of the possible rewards, which by then, one will never know, is pure torture. They say you can’t lose what was never yours to begin with, but then that’s why it hurts so much, because of that one slim chance of having it, only you were too afraid to reach for it and fall, so you played it safe. You gave up. I gave up. Over time, this turns to bitterness.

Just what am I getting at? No, I’m not talking about love at all, it was just the simplest analogy I could come up with. Perhaps some might find my griping over this too petty and trivial, but it’s a big deal to me, having passed it up, and now feeling like a fool. Last Saturday, I received an e-mail invitation from Nuffnang to Zalora’s Grand Launch. When I saw it, I was so surprised and really flattered, because for one thing, I am just a newcomer and another, I’m not even a fashion blogger at that. Also, it was my first ever invitation to any event, not to mention it’s not just any event, it’s Zalora’s Grand Launch. Little old me and my small blog, who even reads my blog? I highly doubt I’m on anyone’s radar at this point, and I do this to unload and de-stress. In any case, I don’t know how I got chosen, but at the time I just felt so privileged and really lucky.

I think I was stuck on the subject line for about five minutes, but my excitement died down when I read further details, and it just started sinking in. Wednesday, May 9, 8 pm, at Skye Lounge, Bonifacio Global City. It was on a school night and it was so far away. It was Saturday when I got the e-mail, and I didn’t send an RSVP because I wasn’t sure what my school activities for the week might be and I couldn’t commit yet or answer definitely. I told my family about it, and Mama just raised her eyebrows with disapproval. I mean, she couldn’t stop me from going if she tried, but I always do my best to keep her informed, that’s her right as a parent. Even if my parents aren’t always happy with my decisions, they let me make my own mistakes, mostly. They always tell me to be careful and smart, but in the end, it’s my life.

Come Monday, I learned that I had exams on both Wednesday and Thursday, and so I thought that about made the decision for me. Since the event would start at 8, I estimated the earliest it would end would be around midnight, and I’d have to get home, and then I would still have a 9 am exam on Thursday, so I would be tired out and in no state to go to school. That was that. School comes first. Unlike the Avengers event I attended two weeks ago, I didn’t have an exam the following day, and Shangri-La Mall is at least not that that far away. I was disappointed, but I let it go, and I thought I had valid reasons, so while it was too bad, I didn’t feel so bad. Or so I thought. On Wednesday, my exam for Thursday got moved to Friday, and since I only had classes until 1 pm, I thought, it might not be too late, and that I could still make it.

But then I had all of these doubts, like what if my RSVP would be on too short of a notice, and that if I went there, the guest list might not be updated to include me, since it was on the day itself. And then I started worrying about the logistics. It’s in Taguig for crying out loud, I don’t even know Quezon City by heart, much less Taguig, so driving at night, alone, might not be the best idea, but taking a taxi isn’t much safer, or less expensive, for that matter. I even looked up directions on Google maps, and I was quite daunted by the distance and the traffic. And then I asked myself why I wanted to go, why it was worth the trouble. And this internal debate ensued within me, weighing the pros and cons. To most people, it’s a simple question of whether they want to go or not, yes or no. And then they can figure out a how. But to me, it was why, because I even questioned myself why I wanted to go at all. As I’ve said, I’m not even a fashion blogger, and to be honest, I don’t know anything about style and fashion, I just like to look pretty and polished. I am an outfit repeater, and to rub elbows with the color-blocked, accessorized, and platform-heeled, that’s not really in my bucket list. I went on and on, arguing with myself like a loon, for Pete’s sake. 

There’s a popular saying in Tagalog that goes, “kapag gusto, maraming paraan, kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan” and loosely translated into English it means that if you really want to do something, then you will find a way, or make one, but then if you don’t want to, there are always plenty of excuses. That was the case yesterday when I was going back and forth, vacillating, and trying to convince myself to make a decision once and for all. In short, I was my own hurdle, because of my indecisiveness.

You see (or maybe you don’t, I don’t even know who I’m talking to), I’m a loudmouth introvert, if that makes any sense. It probably doesn’t… In one of my entries, I’ve talked about how I’m not fond of nights-out and large social gatherings, and I prefer to spend quiet evenings over the excitement of parties and whatnot. But then this is at odds with my being talkative and chatty. My family often points out how wordy I am, and in a literal sense, I have a lot of words. Most people would just go straight to the point and say what they mean, but what they can express in a sentence, can take me a paragraph. Is there such a thing as being over-articulate? Like only intending to say you’re displeased, and yet saying so much about how you felt, and in so many words. When it comes to food, for example, it’s never enough, I’m never satisfied with saying it was good, it’s creamy, decadent, rich, sinful, delectable, and so on. Case in point: all of the above paragraphs just to get out that I’m mad at myself for not going.

Sorry for digressing, anyway, I don’t really feel like my life is wanting in activities and events, but to me, the Zalora launch offered an opportunity for me to step outside of my comfort zone and to expand my horizon. I wasn’t after the fashion and shopping, but it had a different symbolic meaning or significance to me, in that it stood for trying something new and being more open. It meant change and growth. And I totally blew it. It’s not that I couldn’t go. I wouldn’t and I didn’t. More to the point, it wasn’t about wanting to go, as much as wanting to want to go. Because from there, I could have found a way. I just know it.

So here I am. All unhappy and disappointed in myself. It doesn’t matter that it was truly inconvenient, what upset me most is that I defeated myself. I lost to myself, in short. I allowed my aversion to new and untried things to keep me from even wanting to try something new. It’s not something I can rationalize away, when I know it could have been my chance to meet new people and to break my usual boundaries. The physical and material constraints were nothing next to my own reluctance, my own barriers. All those excuses like it being far away, late and on a school night, just covered up for the underlying issue that I couldn’t overcome myself, or my unwillingness to do something that might make me feel awkward or uncomfortable. That’s the worst part of it all, being stuck in a rut of my own making. It’s designed so that I shouldn’t fail, but then I’ll never know what’s out there, waiting for me to take the initiative and discover it. It’s sad and pathetic. More so when you know you’re the problem, and you know exactly what it is that’s wrong with you. 

Maybe some people think that this one event I passed up is such a small thing, that there’s always a next time, but then it’s not the event per se, rather, what it means to have chosen to go, regardless of what the event was—extending myself and braving the unknown; and the implications of not going—cowardice, fear, and insecurity… It’s my ultimate heartbreak. Myself.

I do hope that this won’t be the last time an opportunity like this presents itself, and that when the time comes, I’ll take it wholeheartedly.

Sunday Shopping

During our past few vacations, my family and I have had bad experiences with our bags falling apart, barely getting to our destination and back again in one piece. I don’t know if our bags got mishandled at the airport or if we didn’t pack properly, but there were always zippers, handles, wheels, and what have you getting damaged beyond repair during the course of a single trip. It’s quite exasperating, where did we go wrong?

So since we have an upcoming trip to Singapore later this month, we’ve all been searching for affordable yet durable luggage that will hopefully withstand more than just a round trip. Luggage is an investment, especially for Papa, he is a seaman, after all, and his luggage must last. Papa’s Samsonite attaché case has certainly returned that investment, serving like this solid piece of hardware for as long as I can remember. When I was younger I actually thought it was a “tashie” case because of the way Papa would pronounce it. Anyway, it’s a really old school briefcase, classic and vintage looking, and Papa’s had it since way back when, and it’s doesn’t look like it’s going to give out anytime soon. Papa’s other Samsonite, a big fat suitcase, probably would still be around now, if my sister and I hadn’t played with (in) it when we were younger, riding in it like a car, breaking its hinges and body. Apparently Samsonite luggage can outlast travels, but it is not child-proof.

In any case, we’re not as well-travelled as Papa in his line of work, and going to Singapore later this month is only going to be the second country outside of the Philippines that I’ve ever been to. Mama went to Thailand a few years ago and that’s when she bought her own luggage for her first trip abroad. So for our domestic trips as a family we mostly took large duffel bags and backpacks with us. In recent years we’ve bought two stroller-type suitcases, and both didn’t survive to even boast of battle scars like dents and scratches, the two just broke and had nothing to show for it but round-trip stubs.

Which brings me back to looking for decent luggage. Samsonite, heavy duty and tried and tested as it is, is just way too expensive, as well as other known imported brands. We’re not really jetsetters to need that sort of luggage. Papa travels regularly for work, so his luggage is high end, but our irregular vacations and travel for leisure are hardly enough to say that buying Samsonite luggage would be warranted, or worth shelling out a huge sum for. So we had to reach a compromise between economy and quality.

And what perfect timing for a sale at SM Megamall! We had canvassed for prices and checked out models a few weeks ago and even compared different shops and stores, but decided to put off any purchases until the big sale to save with discounts and other promotions. Good thing we decided to wait, because this whole weekend there was a mall-wide sale at SM Megamall. Yesterday was the last day, and thankfully we got what we came for and then some more! We had actually made plans last week to go to the mall to look for our luggage, but then Papa got called away unexpectedly soon, so we couldn’t, but then the sale was coming up, and he said it was best to wait until then. He was right, as always. It would have been nice to still have him around for his expertise in luggage. Whatever I just miss him.

Anyway, on Saturday night we agreed that we would go to mass early, first thing in the morning, and then go straight to SM Megamall to avoid the rush and the heavy traffic. I wasn’t too keen on going to Church, but then it was a necessary concession to keep the peace. So I woke up that morning and got ready for a day out. I decided my skin had sufficiently healed up for me to wear light makeup again, so I put my face on and dressed with Church in mind, this time at least we were warned. I applied concealer on my blemishes with a light hand, and over that, I used my Ellana mineral foundation and my Krave Minerale Oil Eliminator and Skin Hydrator very sparingly to keep my makeup from caking up. I also kept my blush, contour and highlight powder to a minimum. And my eye makeup and nude lip color finished off my polished and simple look. Which is my everyday look, except I used less than usual. Besides, even if the Church was open air, the 8:30 am mass wasn’t as packed and the air was somewhat cool, and then the mall’s air-conditioned. Unlike going to class in UP, where it’s just as hot indoors as it is outdoors and makeup melts away.

 

I wore a pair of pants, surprise, surprise! I do own a few pairs of pants, and they’re reserved for those rare occasions that I feel remotely conservative. Either that or it’s cold. Apart from the sporadic rainy weather, it’s not at all cold, so yes this was for Church. That and the light green floral printed blouse and my purple Kickers sandals. Church, lunch, and some shopping, my outfit clearly has an agenda. I got those pants from Divisoria back in first year and I stopped wearing them around second year because I couldn’t fit into them anymore, but now they fit me perfectly again. This top is from late high school, I think. I can’t be quite sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moving on, our house is just five minutes away from the Clubhouse and the Church of the adjacent subdivision, but we were still five minutes late to mass because Mama blow dried her hair. Oh well. I’ve already talked about my religious beliefs, or lack thereof, for that matter, in my entry about Easter Sunday, but I took the message from yesterday’s mass for what it was worth, words of wisdom. I didn’t take in anymore all the ceremonious and ritualistic observances that I don’t subscribe to. In the case of worship, I prefer substance over form, content over style, I suppose. I believe that if my heart is rejoicing in God, then that is enough, and all of that kneeling, making the sign of the cross, reciting of verses, is superficial to me. That is just my own, personal, belief. I don’t feel that saying practiced lines during mass brings me any closer to God, but I respect the convictions of others. I actually try to understand others’ faith, and though I can’t be made to appreciate the responses, kneeling, and whatnot, I do keep an open-mind to the message. And even if I went to Church unwillingly, yesterday’s homily was actually interesting and memorable. Our priest was Indian and when he spoke in English, if he went too fast, it was hard to understand him, but then he was actually fluent in Tagalog or Filipino, and I saw that he was trying to make his homily very relatable to us, so we could identify and internalize the message. The Gospel was something about Jesus being the grape plant, and the disciples being the vines, and the priest adapted it to puno ng mangga (a mango tree) in his homily. He even joked about Sharon Cuneta, KC Concepcion, and Piolo Pascual, and how KC had become stronger after the breakup. We all had a good laugh, but he returned to the point, that like the grape vines being pruned so that they would grow, our hardships in life are also in order for us to grow. These trims, pruning, are like the challenges we encounter in life, that we overcome and in so doing we become better people. We should not think of these as limitations, but opportunities to improve ourselves. The priest spoke so plainly and sincerely, without any pretense, not to mention the homily was just fifteen minutes long, unlike another priest at that Church who speaks pompously and lengthily, but without making an ounce of sense. So I left Church, if not religiously moved, then at least spiritually enlightened.

After that we headed straight for SM Megamall. Traffic was very light, until we reached the vicinity of the mall, it seemed everyone was going there. We got there at 10:30, and it had barely opened, yet our parking space was already on the roof deck of the parking building because all the lower floors were full. And when we entered the mall, it was so crowded already! It was the last day, so it’s understandable, but just as it was SM Megamall, it was mega-full!

Our first stop was the Department Store to shop for luggage, of course. It was so dizzying and disorienting, all those people, and all the merchandise! We used to go to SM Megamall often when I was younger because it was the only big mall around, but since SM North EDSA underwent a lot of expansion and Trinoma and Gateway came around, and they’re a lot closer and more convenient, we haven’t gone to Megamall in years! It was completely unfamiliar and it was so hard to find shops even with directories and the information counter, that we just made a beeline for the Department Store. No matter what SM, the Department Store is the constant.

We went to the luggage section and the salespersons were really very insistent, offering different styles and models left and right, but we already had the kind of luggage we wanted in mind. Since we’d had bad experiences with the suitcase types, we wanted the duffel kind but with a stroller, that way, even if the wheel or stroller part broke down, you could still carry it by hand. And if you’re going up stairs, you can go from stroller to hand carry. The best of both, if you ask me. And in my entry about packing for Laoag, I talked all about my orange duffel, and all the advantages of that bag. So yeah, in the luggage section, we did a quick walk around, and even with huge discounts, the imported bags were just way too expensive and we went to the local luggage brand, Voyager. The workmanship seemed pretty sound, and the price range was right up our alley. Us three sisters all picked different colors of the same style of bag.

Behold my lovely bright pink bag! Of course I picked a striking and loud color, black and dark blue bags are so common, and almost identical, it’s easy to mistake someone else’s bag for yours, and vice-versa. But with a shockingly bubble gum pink bag, how can you go wrong? My sisters got purple and blue green. My bag actually costs only PhP 999! I don’t know the specifications, like what its capacity is, but when I got home, I compared it to my very roomy orange duffel bag, and that was only a tad bigger, like one extra side pocket on this one. My sisters’ bags were the same style, but were around PhP 1200 because they had an additional side pocket and name tag holder and a zipper provision for a pad lock, but then the pink color was out of stock. There was one display unit, but it had some damage, so I took the slightly smaller bag, and really the side pocket wasn’t much of a difference, and I wanted it in pink. It was also available in red, but pink is way more eye-catching on an airport conveyor belt.

After that, we told the salesman to hold onto our bags for us because we would still be going around the department store for more purchases and we wanted to pay for everything in one go, so that Mama could avail of the rebates or something like that when your purchase reaches a certain amount. So we went our separate ways and agreed to meet up when we had finished picking out what we wanted. Naturally, I headed for the swimwear section. My bikinis are all a few Summers old, and I haven’t had the chance to buy a new pair for myself! The last time I checked out bikinis earlier this summer, I didn’t really find any that I liked, the designs weren’t my type, but this time I found just the one for me! It’s from a brand called Coco Cabaña and it cost PhP 699.75, but since Mama had a 5% or 10% (I’m not so sure), discount off the total, along with our luggage and some other clothes my sisters bought, it’s actually less than that. So, going back, I really like the color and the design, when I saw it among the other designs in the racks, I didn’t have eyes for any of the other bikinis. I like the unique pattern and the color combination of black wavy stripes and violet, blue, red, orange, and yellow. I also think the black ties at the sides of the bikini bottoms are really cute. I rushed to try it on, and I saw that only two sizes were left, 32 and 36, no more in between, and when I asked the saleslady, she said that 34 was already out of stock. I would normally go for the medium size, because that’s the safest choice, but it was either small or large, and with my weight loss to account for, I wagered on 32 and hoped for the best when I headed to the fitting room. On my way there, I bumped into my sister along the women’s wear section and we went to the fitting room together. It’s pretty common in the Philippines for two or more people, usually family member or friends shopping together, meaning women, to share fitting room cubicles. I don’t know if that’s unusual in other countries, though. So, she helped me tie the bikini, and lo and behold, after years, I am once again a small! I wasn’t too worried about the bikini top as much as the bottom, the top is adjustable, and even then, I am flat chested, so it’s rarely a problem. But I’ve encountered swimsuits in the past where the top fit just fine, but the bottom was too small for my big butt. Luckily, my butt has also slimmed down and so I stood there and I had a “Damn, I’m hot” moment. Yes, how conceited of me, but I have to give myself some credit. I was tempted to take some pictures, but my sister was with me, and she would’ve gotten annoyed and frowned upon the blatant cam-whoring. Hopefully, I’ll get to sport it to a beach or swimming pool sometime soon! Oh, Singapore hotel, I cannot wait!

One would think that going to a mall with two college-age children, and one high-school age one is smooth sailing, but yesterday it was not. My youngest sister, while Mama was in the fitting room trying on a blouse, went looking for a pair of pants, and they agreed to meet back at the fitting room. More than thirty minutes later she still hadn’t returned, and she didn’t bring her cell phone so we couldn’t call her, and with the number of people, and the size of the department store, it would be hard to look for her. Like a needle in a haystack! Mama actually went to customer service and had her paged over the PA system. HOW UTTERLY DISGRACEFUL! I mean seriously, my youngest sister is fourteen and still has no wits whatsoever. Apparently she wasn’t lost or gone at all, she had just lost track of time picking pants, and when she stumbled on over to the meeting place, Mama had a tongue lashing for her. Such a stupid girl. My other sister and I have gotten lost before, but we always found our way back, and Mama never had to resort to having us paged, or Mama being paged for us, for that matter. You always hear the, “Will the parents of the boy wearing a red cap, blue shirt, and Avengers rubber shoes, please go to Customer Service” and think you’ll never end up in a situation like that, but there’s a first time for everything. Even for a fourteen year old that has the brains of a four year old. What a hassle. We wasted so much time!

We also encountered delays at the counter because the cashier was having difficulties or mix-ups of one kind or another. By the time we were done paying for everything, we were all just about starved. We saw a directory of restaurants near the department store, and thought that the directions were simple enough, but given how big Megamall is and how we had forgotten all about going from Mega A to B, or was it the other way around (?), we ditched our original plan of going to a Persian place, and went to the Food Court instead. There we ate at Manang’s Chicken.

I’ve never tried it before, but my sister has, and she recommended it, and we were too hungry to look for something else. It was actually quite delicious. We ordered one of their group package meals, with six pieces of chicken, three servings of rice, two servings of coleslaw salad, three drinks, and two servings of their potato chips. We just added an additional serving of rice and another drink since there were four of us, and everything was reasonably priced, I can’t recall exactly how much, though. We asked for half the chicken to be in the Original variant, and the other half to be in the Spicy variant. I’m not very fond of spicy food, so I wanted to eat the Original variant, but I got a piece of chicken from the Spicy variant by mistake, because the salesperson switched the two, though they were on separate plates. But it turned out to be pretty good even if I got the Spicy variant because it was still very mild, and there wasn’t much heat. I liked how tender and juicy the chicken was, and the coating of the skin was really tasty that all that was left of the chicken was the bones. I can’t quite describe the flavor of the chicken, it was slightly sweet and savory, but the frying itself is a cross between Max and Bon Chon. Their potato chips were really nice and crispy too and well-seasoned. I can’t say anything about the coleslaw since I didn’t try it, and anyway, I don’t eat coleslaw. For the drinks that were included, I asked for lemonade instead of soft drinks since I’ve been cutting down on carbonated drinks, as much as possible, and there was a water station in the Food Court so I drank plenty of water too.

After having lunch, we went to Forever 21! It was my first time to go to a Forever 21 store, there’s a branch at SM North EDSA The Block that just opened, but I haven’t checked it out yet. I do have a pink Forever 21 mini skirt, but that was given to me as a gift years ago. At first I was amazed by how big the store was, and many clothes there were, such a wide array of patterns, colors, and designs. I was in awe for the first fifteen minutes just going around the store and taking a look. But then this weird feeling just crept on me, that out of place feeling, like I didn’t quite belong there. Don’t get me wrong, the clothes were all cute and girly, very chic and sassy, but I noticed all the other customers and shoppers already looked like their outfits were straight out of Forever 21 and they all looked the same. Yes, they were trendy and very stylish, I suppose, but they all looked so much alike that they didn’t look like they were shopping at all, instead it looked like they were just browsing their own closets, granted a larger than life one. I like trends as much as the next girl, but not to the point that my whole ensemble looks copied straight from a magazine. The crowd was almost homogeneous! And I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb in my pants and sandals and simple blouse. It was they who blended in with the racks. But then I guess that was the whole point of them coming to Forever 21, they want to achieve that Forever 21 look. The so-called hipster look, that’s borderline the same in uniqueness. I mean they were different, but the same in their difference, cut from the same cloth, literally and figuratively.

It’s not my thing, though. There were some pieces that caught my eye, some pretty prints and dresses, but when I saw the price tags, I thought to myself, I could probably find something just as nice in the Department Store for less, and with better quality. I mean, most of the dresses had really sheer and delicate, thin fabric, and I thought, with how our house help does laundry, it wouldn’t be long before the clothes got faded or the fabric got torn. Also, when I tried on some dresses, I found that their Small was still a bit loose on me, and the lengths were off, because in the US they’re generally taller and with bigger body frames. Local ready to wear brands offer better sizing for the average Filipina build. So I went home empty-handed while my sisters came home with a few pieces. They think I’m having a case of sour grapes. I don’t know, really. All I know is that I waited over thirty minutes for them to finish and I just kept going around the store. While I was at it, I noticed that all the male companions—boyfriends, husbands, fathers, brothers—were just sitting around twiddling their thumbs, having nothing better to do while their ladies were off having a field day in the store. For that brief moment, I shared in their bafflement of shopping. I sometimes wonder what guys do at the mall. Even in a sale, the men’s section of the Department Store is always near empty.

After that we left the mall since we were done with the important shopping, and we didn’t want to go through the trouble of navigating through throngs of people and we didn’t have any idea where stores were located anyway. We stopped for merienda at Chowking on our way home and we all ordered halo-halo. It was so good! Somehow it always tastes like it’s the first time I’ve ever eaten it, every mouthful a wonder of flavor and sweetness. Okay, halo-halo is just beyond describing.We went home afterwards.It was a good thing we started early and beat the traffic, and it wasn’t late yet, so we weren’t very tired.

I’m pretty happy with my purchases. I can’t get over my adorable pink luggage and my new bikini! And of course they were all on Mama’s dime so I’m doubly pleased HAHA! I hope we can go swimming again before the Summer’s over. Meanwhile, I still have time to tone up! I’ve completed the 4 week program of Hip Hop Abs, but I’m keeping it up and I’m really enjoying the results!

On another note, Next Sunday is Mother’s Day. I wonder how I can thank Mama and make her day special. I highly welcome any and all suggestions!

Rainy Days and Skin Talk

I’ve battled acne ever since I hit puberty, and even until now that I'm already 20 years old, it’s still a daily struggle for me to have clear skin. It runs on both sides of the family, and I guess I got the full brunt of hereditary skin conditions, not to mention my rosacea, or skin redness. I’ve been going to the dermatologist for years to treat my acne and I’ve used all a manner of prescription medications, ointments, soaps. I’ve endured discomfort and pain from chemical peels and facials, the sting of special toners and astringents, all in the name of fighting acne. Certainly, at present this is the clearest complexion I’ve had in years, because all throughout grade school and high school, my acne was much, much worse. Thankfully, my acne wasn’t the cystic kind, but more of a barrage of whiteheads and blackheads. However, I used to have such awful acne on my back, chest, and shoulders, that I couldn’t wear sleeveless tops, and it really hurt my self-esteem and to this day I have lingering insecurities. I had to go through five peeling sessions back in high school to go to prom wearing a tube dress. I actually have very few pictures from middle school to high school because I was always so self-conscious about my skin and I felt so hideous, and I didn’t want to be photographed at all. There is actually this huge gap in our family photo albums, when acne had nearly destroyed any and all self-confidence I had.

I had tried just about everything, and I almost lost hope of ever having normal skin. But in my last year of high school, leading up to the months before my high school graduation, I so desperately wanted to be able to have a decent graduation picture and not feel ashamed in my own skin, so I did some extensive research on alternative treatments, and that’s when I learned about the pill, or oral contraceptives. Apart from being birth control, one of the side-effects or benefits of taking estrogen is that it suppresses androgens, or male hormones, that cause acne. I begged Mama to let me go on oral contraceptives to see if taking hormones would help alleviate my acne. Mama’s an OB-GYN herself and she consulted with my dermatologist, as well as her other doctor colleagues, including a fertility specialist, before she agreed to let me try it. And I’m not naïve, I know what the implications are, and you can judge me all you want, but we talked about it, and my parents trust me enough to be responsible for myself, so even if they had their reservations, they gave me permission, because it had gotten to the point where nothing could keep my acne at bay, and even with my dermatologist’s intervention, I would likely end up with scarring if it didn’t let up.

They always say that it gets worse before it gets better, and that certainly was the case with taking pills. The first month, I would get dizzy and lightheaded, and it wasn’t until more than three months later that I saw results, which were minimal at that. I actually barely made it in time for my graduation to have clearer skin. Before taking pills, I had a pretty regular, if heavy period, and the pill has made my period like clockwork, and has lightened and shortened my period, so that was a plus. So now that I’m in college, I’ve been on the pill for little over three years and the pill has helped immensely, but it hasn’t eliminated my acne. Not by a long shot. I’m still using other maintenance topical acne medications like gels and creams, because I still get breakouts. And there’s also the question at the back of my mind, what if I stop taking the pill? Would my acne return full force? There’s always that fear, but then, when does it end? Do I have to take it forever and ever? Is there no cure? Only treatments? I have heard of Acnetrex, but after researching it, it’s way too extreme for me, and even my dermatologist advised against it, because that was reserved for the worst kind of acne. So here we are now.

Yes, for sure, this is the best my skin has seen, but after years of suffering from acne, you can still see traces of the aftermath. I have scars and hyper-pigmentation and on my fair skin, even a tiny blemish looks so obvious. If you knew me from before, then you would agree that this is the best my skin has ever been, but by normal standards, my skin would still be classified as problem skin. These past two weeks leading to my period, I’ve had a nasty breakout on my forehead, that have only just begun to dry up. The pimples I got all over my forehead were the angry, red, and painful to touch kind, tender and sore.

Just yesterday, I took these pictures. Sorry, no before and after pictures here. You can see the blemishes on my forehead and chin. They’re all dried up pimples already, if you touch them, they’re smooth and flat already, not bumpy at all, but they leave unpleasant red marks that take a long, long time to fade.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no makeup in the two above pictures, I only applied my Etude House Sun Powder Cotton Touch Primer Base as a sun block and moisturizer over my acne antibiotics, after cleansing and toning my skin. I haven’t worn any makeup to school these past two weeks, just sun block to protect my skin, because I thought my makeup might be aggravating my sudden acne flare up, and I wanted to use as few products as possible, so as not to make my acne worse. Sometimes, my skin just needs a break or a breather from all my superfluous stuff. With a healthy diet and plenty of sleep, plus religious skin care, my acne is dying down already, but just a few days ago, my pimples were these almost welt like things on my face! My bangs helped cover up the worst of it though. But at home, I pin them back and away from my face.

Anyway, this whole week has been surprisingly rainy, after the long and hot dry spell! It’s been raining hard mostly on afternoons, but yesterday, it was pouring all day, almost! In class we had a hard time hearing each other because of the rain. I won’t go into my problems with my PI 100 class, because really it’s not worth it. I’ve come to realize during my stint in UP, that there are all sorts of characters, and pseudo-intellectual professors that get a kick out of messing with students come a dime a dozen. They are not worth it.

So, yesterday, I was wearing a pink shirt and a mini skirt with my green sandals. As it happens, every time it rains hard, I am coincidentally almost always wearing these green sandals. It’s like these sandals are cursed to be ruined by the rain. I have a car now, so at least commuting isn’t an issue, but even when I parked just across the building with a short walk, AS parking lot has all these ruts and pot holes and enormous puddles and walking to and from my car I got all these muddy splashes on the back of my calves, and my sandals were dirty. Good thing these have sturdy workmanship and good leather or it would be such a shame. UP is a great place for walking, but a bad place for nice shoes. Almost all my shoes are the durable kind and it’s hard to find shoes that serve both form and function. This is one of those. But I've had one experience before when I was wearing a pair of flimsy and cheap sandals and the strap broke on my commute home, and I walked home hobbling like a cripple, and all the other commuters were staring at me and my broken shoes.

Going back to my outfit, I’ve had this shirt since high school, and as I’ve mentioned, getting fit has allowed me to wear clothes that I thought I’d never fit into again, the mini included. I love this mini, the hem has frayed ends on purpose and it has that rugged effect. I love how mini’s get attention. Or is it my legs…? HAHA Sorry, I just couldn’t resist. But yeah, all summer long I’ve been wearing either shorts or mini skirts five days a week to school because of the heat! In fact I wore this mini last week, maybe you might even remember it from one of my previous posts. I’m an outfit repeater, guilty as charged!

After school, I went home straightaway, and the rain had stopped so at least my drive home wasn’t difficult. I ate lunch, and then Mama took me and my youngest sister to the dentist for a check-up and my dentist told me I was “blooming” and I should dress up like this more often. She has no idea I’m recovering from a breakout and I always dress like this anyway. But I guess she’s used to my frumpy old self from years of being her patient.

While we were there, it started raining really hard again, and there was a bit of flooding by the time we left. We picked up my other sister from UP and had an early dinner at Shakey’s. We haven’t eaten at Shakey’s in a while, so it was great. We headed home and I went about the usual things. Like continuing my Fringe marathon.

Le sigh.

I’m saving my skin and hair care products post, as well as my makeup collection and storage for another day. Do watch out for those posts in the coming days. I’m so sorry for the long wait, it’s been on my list forever, I’ve just been distracted lately, I guess.

Not So Merry Month of May

So it seems I’ve been blogging for over a month now. Maybe things like monthsaries don’t matter to some people, but for me, it’s already a milestone or a feat that this blog has lasted or made it to a month, because I have a long history of abandoning or scrapping attempts, even plans, to blog, before I got started at all. My blogs, or pre-blogs, really, since they were just these whims, were always nipped in the bud or yanked out by the root even before taking firm hold, so to speak. This is the first time I’ve actually gone through with it, albeit even this blog of mine is a tentative commitment… I’m still undecided on whether it’s actually helping me relieve my stress and unburden myself, or if it adds to my workload, and right now I’m feeling ambivalent about it. Sometimes I feel better getting things off my chest, other times I feel like I have to motivate myself to get around to doing it. It’s a process really, and I’ve been readjusting my learning curve. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that even hobbies take work. It’s like when I was a kid and if games got too hard or too challenging, I’d lose interest, but now that I’m in college, I can’t be like that anymore. I always have to put in effort to cultivate myself to learn and to try new things and to be more flexible. In short, I’m trying to try harder to see things through and to set more long-term goals.

Sorry, maybe this all sounds so abstract, connecting my blog’s first monthsary to my lack of direction in life. I am really lost. So many imponderables nagging me, making me fretful and anxious about the future. Applying for an internship, thesis, graduation, employment… I find myself half paralyzed, half in a panic. Everything’s happening right now. I know that my whole college life has led up to this point, but somehow I feel so unprepared to face the real world.

But anyway, the past week has been really tough on me. Last Saturday, as I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, Papa left and we saw him off at the airport and as I’ve said, it’s not new to us, it’s almost a family tradition, us all going together and seeing him off. As a child, I don’t know how old I was, but I have this distinct memory of NAIA, and the image, the façade of the building is seared into my brain. I have this singular recollection of driving up an elevated road towards the International Terminal of NAIA 1, with its dark tinted windows and its dark grey, and squat exterior, and I’ve always associated it with Papa having to go away. If you’re not the one with a departure, then that’s as far as you go, and we dropped off Papa and his luggage and drove away. I have this lasting image in my mind of Papa’s back as he enters the building, like the building itself was taking Papa away from me. I’ve only been to NAIA 3 and Centennial Airport, so I don’t know what NAIA 1 looks like inside, but for as long as I can remember, the building of the airport itself has come to mean goodbye’s. I guess I’ll find out what it looks like when we go to Singapore later this month.

You would think that it would get easier over the years, but it doesn’t. Even Mama who’s been doing this for 21 years of marriage, still gets unsettled. In the days leading up to Papa’s latest departure, Papa would joke how Mama would get “discombobulated” easily, because the news of Papa leaving came so suddenly, and Mama was so flustered by all of the rushed preparations. Mama was more forgetful than usual, and would get lost in thought, and really be without any presence of mind, like she would suddenly not know what she was right in the middle of it.

I guess it’s hard on me too, but in a different way. Without Papa around, I feel suffocated by all the female hormones at home. I am moody enough by myself, but with Mama and two sisters, that just gets compounded and there are times when I want to wrap my hands around someone’s neck, and just have at somebody. Papa helps balance out the household, but when he’s gone, I can’t stand to be around my family. I’m the one with the issues, and I feel like I get unhinged more than I already am, being surrounded by girls all the time! I swear, when I see all those posts on 9GAG about she-monsters on their period, I can totally relate, I myself being one of them, at that, and I swear it’s a nightmare.

Going back, we were without the man of the house once again, and falling back into old routines. Mama drives herself again and carries all her bags, and I have no one to share Naruto episodes with. No more corny jokes and crassness at the dinner table. My youngest sister doesn’t have anyone to help her do the newspaper crossword. The other sister doesn’t have a basketball buddy anymore. It’s been less than a week, out of months that he’s going to be away, but I miss him terribly. Nobody to talk about my driving escapades with, since Mama and my sisters frown upon my being a kaskasera (someone who drives too fast), no one to rant to about getting stuck in traffic and how I maneuvered my way around motorcycles, trucks, and buses. Nobody to buy my favorite ice cream, chocolate, or cake with no occasion whatsoever. But that’s our lot in life, and we have to find ways to survive.

So after watching The Avengers last week, I was in such a state of excitement, that when it was over, and I had to go back to reality—that is, school, summer classes, homework, and readings—it was this shock almost. Like leaping from a height, for a moment thinking you could fly, but then crashing and hitting the pavement, that’s what it felt like. Of course I was a fool for hoping my one win would turn into a lucky streak, but it was startling, as if my little bubble had been burst. I keep myself telling myself I should get a grip, yet here I am, at a loss.

I had a reaction paper due last Monday, and I basically crammed it. I spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself because Papa was leaving, and having a marathon watching two shows I recently discovered, thanks to Papa and my sister: Grimm and Fringe. I had heard of Grimm before, but it didn’t catch my interest until now because it seemed like an average police drama, but I wasn’t aware of the creatures and folklore in its premise. I saw my family watching it and I stuck around for an episode and it was pretty entertaining so I watched the rest of it all weekend, adding a new show to my weekly favorites, since its first season is still ongoing. As for Fringe, it’s already in the 4th season, but I’ve never heard of it before now because it’s never been aired locally, and it’s sci-fi. I only got interested because of my sister who has a friend or classmate who recommended it to her. Basically, those two shows ate up my weekend, and I drowned my sorrow in fiction, that come Monday, reality sure wasn’t friendly.

Reality being summer classes. I enjoy my Speech class a lot, it’s very practical and straightforward, but my PI 100 class has quickly turned into a Jose Rizal witch hunt. I get how my professor wants us to develop critical thinking skills, but sometimes I feel that they’re just over-reading and over-analyzing things. I don’t mind re-interpreting Rizal, but it’s all so passé. And I deeply resent how one-track all my so-called critical and leftist professors are, when they supposedly espouse alternative views as opposed to conventional thinking. Yet in their classes their view is the only one, theirs is the only alternative. Their truth, is the truth. It’s such a contradiction, such a hypocrisy! For instance, he keeps going on about anti-religious stuff, as if it’s an absolute ill of society. I personally don’t subscribe to the practices of religion, but that doesn’t mean I put down the beliefs of people who do. It’s as simple as that, live and let live. Clearly being radical means necessarily taking one side and vilifying the other, and that being neutral, to them, is as good as being an enemy! It’s so black and white, as if everything can be demarcated by a solid line! And to be expected to draw the same conclusions after reading Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo, when we all have different experiences and see things differently! I thought our class would allow me to see Rizal in a different light, but as it turns out, it’s another crash course in the biases of another teacher, no different from high school. Tsk tsk tsk. And the way he insinuated either you were critical or you were stupid! Well, why can’t you be happy? Why does everything have to be an issue? It’s an issue that in post-modern society we’re all individualistic and materialistic, and our professor tells us it’s not all about making money, yet he comes to class with his iPhone and his D-SLR and his MacBook Air! There’s always something wrong with the world, there’s no pleasing the angry critics.

Contrary to popular belief, not all UP students are activists or protesters. I respect those who stand up for what they believe in, and if they want to take to the streets, that’s their choice. That’s their way, and for me, I believe in studying hard and contributing to society in my own way. I believe in more productive rather than destructive ways. I believe in living honestly and not imposing myself on others. You call me a reformist, bourgeois, or middle class, whatever, but that’s not going to change how I feel about it. So there. Take that.

Okay, right, my reaction paper was on Bayaning Third World and well I really didn’t have much to say. I’ve never been impressed by Jose Rizal, and PI 100 has done little to improve that. I’m not discounting his merits, but Rizal just isn’t relevant to me. I get why he’s a national hero, but he’s not my hero. Just saying. I liked the treatment in the film though, it was very down to earth and realistic, without the usual pomp of documentaries and re-enactments. I liked the Myth Busters feel, trying to uncover the real Rizal, but in the end, Rizal is whoever you want him to be, was how it concluded.

Last Saturday, aside from having a Grimm and Fringe marathon, I saw one my childhood favorites on Animax, Hunter X Hunter. Apparently it was already a remake of the entire series, and I never knew about it. It was heartbreaking, like seeing the last vestiges of my childhood just falling away. Nothing against the remake, for all I know it might even be better than the original, but the original has this special place in my heart, that knowing about the remake, made me realize that time can turn even things you hold sacred and dear to your heart, like your favorite anime series, a thing you regarded untouchable, into an old version. There’s always a new version just waiting to happen, and those things I thought would stay the same, would remain constant in my fond memories, are being ripped away from me. It’s so sad, getting old and holding onto those things, then having them taken away too. It’s not so much the re-making of it, as much as what it means to me, that what I once thought to be impervious to time, is just as much vulnerable to it. There goes my childhood.

I feel old and tired. It’s been a bad week. I barely felt the holiday, and for the past week, my breakouts still haven’t cleared up yet, as if my skin is as unhappy as I am. So much heartache in the span of just a few days and my skin has gone to hell. The month of May has gotten off to a rocky start, but I just want to get through the rest of my summer classes, put this all behind me, and go on a real vacation.

Hope and wait.

Surprise Attack: Avengers 2012 Father Daughter Date

Wednesday started out like any other. When I woke up that morning, there was no indication that it would be a special day. There was no gut feeling, not even a sign. Little did I know that something wonderful was about to fall right into my lap.

My first class didn’t have a meeting, so I didn’t have a class until 11 am, and I got to sleep an hour longer. I had a bunch of weird dreams that were enrollment related, I think, and I had a full eight hours of invigorating sleep, so my own body clock woke me, fifteen minutes ahead of my 8 am alarm. If you know me, the first thing I always do upon getting up and making my bed, is the Hip Hop Abs Last Minute Abs routine to wake up my sleepy limbs and get my blood pumping. It’s a fast-paced, five minute routine that really gets you moving, like up and at ‘em. And I’m the rise and shine type, if I don’t start my morning right, my mood can be bitch fit mode. But not today. After exercising, I checked my e-mail like usual, and then I headed down for breakfast. I’ve been having oatmeal for breakfast, the last two months, I think, and maybe normal people would get fed up with eating oatmeal day in and day out, but I still look forward to making myself a bowl of oatmeal every morning. I don’t think I could ever get sick of having oatmeal, tea, and fruit for breakfast. It might have something to do with the fact that I mix Nesquik and condensed milk into my oatmeal and it goes from bland to awesome. Hey, I need my sugar fix in the morning, and fiber plus chocolaty goodness, is a pretty good compromise in my book.

After breakfast, I had some free time, so I thought I’d catch up on the reading assignment that I didn’t get to finish the night before. It was so long and I was so sleepy that I would nod off in the middle of a paragraph, and have to start over again. Since I wasn’t getting anywhere, and I was so tired I couldn’t understand anything I was reading, I decided to call it a night. So after eating, I continued where I left off, and I would occasionally browse the internet after finishing a few pages. I was pretty absent-minded, and a thought occurred to me, that I wanted to watch The Avengers at the soonest possible time. I am an action girl, plain and simple. I don’t do romantic comedies or dramas, and to my mind, the only movies worth spending on at cinemas are action or epic flicks that you can only appreciate on a wide screen. I love the car chases, the explosions, the big burly men with ripped abs and their excess of testosterone. So I watched Thor and Captain America last year and I have been waiting since then for The Avengers to come out because of the teasers after the credits. If only school and my limited finances weren’t in the way. I resigned myself to the long wait, and to slowly scrimping and saving my Summer allowance so that I would have the money by the time the movie finally came out.

Turns out I didn’t have to! If you’ll recall my post about PLDT myDSL’s Great Payday Sale, that was in a bid to win a contest hosted by Nuffnang and PLDT myDSL, with tickets to a special screening of The Avengers at stake! The first seventy bloggers to register their entries would get two tickets each. That was around a week ago, I think. I knew it was a longshot, and to be honest, I really didn’t know how to go about it at first, but I didn’t have anything to lose, so I went for it. And it just so happened that we recently switched from a different internet service provider to PLDT myDSL and I could honestly and sincerely vouch for it from my own experience, and also, I was just as much pleased with the upgrade that was made available to existing subscribers. Anyway, the day that the contest officially opened, was a school day, and the mechanics specifically stated, the first seventy, so I literally rushed from my class to go to the Main Library where there’s Wi-Fi to register my entry. It opened at noon, and though my class was from 11-1, luckily we were dismissed early, and I made it at 12:30-ish. I knew that the thirty minutes I was behind really hurt my chances, but I wasn’t dissuaded. How could I not take that chance, even if the odds were against a newcomer like me? This is Avengers we’re talking about! And besides, I figured, it couldn’t hurt to try. You never know, after all. 

So I left the rest to luck, and waited for the announcement of the winners. I was holding my breath the whole time and always checking my e-mail and Nuffnang’s website. I really got my hopes up. I’ve joined a lot of blog giveaways in the past, and I would always get disappointed when I didn’t win, but I really felt good about it this time. I didn’t get any e-mail. And then I saw the list of winners on Nuffnang’s website, and my name wasn’t there. I felt bad, but then I wasn’t too hard on myself because I knew I gave it my best shot. Life goes on. So I moved on and thought, better luck next time, and really there was no use dwelling on it.

Which is why, while going through my reading assignment, I was so stunned, when I took a break to check my e-mail and saw this! I felt disbelief, amazement, giddiness, and joy all at once! I actually couldn’t process it at first and I read it twice or thrice and I even double checked to see if it was a legit e-mail and not one of those spam or scam e-mails.

Here are my actual Tweets on that fateful day. My reading assignment was pretty boring, and I was daydreaming about wanting to watch The Avengers. I was planning to watch it over the weekend and I couldn’t wait for the school week to be over, even though it was just Wednesday. I had no idea that in just a short while after thinking and Tweeting that I would receive such welcome news! It’s my first time to win anything, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to react, and I was just so dumbstruck. And I don’t usually get lucky, so I’m usually pragmatic about stuff, so the first thing I did was to verify it out of doubt, it was too good to be true. It was just so incredible! And when it did sink in, I was this hyper mess, like a ball of excitement, and I rushed to send my RSVP. And my e-mail also attests to my state of mind.

I suspected that maybe I really wasn’t part of the first 70 people, but maybe after getting notified, some of the winners backed out, or couldn’t make it, freeing up slots. I mean, I received the e-mail on Wednesday, and the RSVP was due by noon of that same day. I sent it twice for good measure because I’ve had issues with my e-mail in the past, that the recipients didn’t get anything even if it was sent “successfully” from my end. Better safe than sorry, when it comes to things like these. Sigurista, in Filipino. So that was around 9:30 and while waiting for a response, I even looked up the Nuffnang representative on FB and Twitter, how makulit (insistent) of me, I know, and I Tweeted Nuffnang to let them know I sent my RSVP and I was hoping for confirmation from them. It totally slipped my mind that I still had an 11 am class. I was driven to the point of distraction!

I was so frantic that I showered in record time and didn’t put on any makeup on, just sun block and translucent powder! Egad! But I didn’t care if my hair was a mess, and I didn’t even bother to dress up, just shorts and a plain T-shirt and slippers, full on pambahay (house clothes) mode that UP Diliman is so well known for. I didn’t care at all. All that was on my mind was that I won free tickets to see The Avengers, when I had already given up hope. This continued in class, I was pretty much spaced out the whole time, I might as well have not been there at all since I was physically present, but mentally absent. Thankfully class ended mercifully quick, and I went home after that.

When I got home, there was another pleasant surprise waiting for me in the mail! The postcard I made as part of my Geog 173 field work output had finally arrived! After I submitted it to the professor, he said he would actually send them once he had graded them. I’ve never tried sending letters the old fashioned way myself, because e-mail became mainstream as I was growing up. Anyway, I sent it to Papa, only because our address was the only one I knew for sure. But that was back in February and I thought maybe it had gotten lost on its way, or it was just living up to its snail-mail reputation. So I was really glad to see it had made it back home, in a sense, it was returned to the sender!

Which brings me to breaking the news to my family. Everything had happened in a blur, and I couldn’t tell them yet because I went to school. When I got home, they were still out, and I wanted to share my good news with them in person. So I sent them cryptic text messages instead to come home right away because I something to tell them. When they finally arrived, they were all really curious about it! Mama thought I got a scholarship or something, and my sister thought maybe I got a Summer job! I was really cryptic in my text message to them and I said good news, so maybe what they had in mind was really big time, I guess. But a good thing like free movie tickets has never happened to me before, so that was what I meant with “good'” news.

I really thought they’d be happy for me and would share in my excitement, but instead all I got was “so who are you taking with you?” Well, my family is business like, after all. I had given it some thought, and I wanted to take Papa with me. Mama and my youngest sister are both lame movie companions. But between Papa and my younger sister, I chose Papa because I just saw Hunger Games with her, and I’ve never treated Papa to a movie before. Granted the tickets were free, but still they were from me, and I wanted a father daughter movie date, and bonding shiz.

And the parents had news of their own, Papa’s leaving on Saturday. You can read more about this in my previous post. So I guess everything was falling into place. I won those tickets for a reason, Papa was leaving and it was my chance to have him to myself. My sister was bummed that I didn’t pick her, but God, grow up. It was decided. After school, we would all go to Shang and have dinner as a family, and then Papa and I would watch The Avengers and the rest would see about catching the movie in another cinema, or just go around the mall and wait for us to finish.

I thought it was all good, nothing would get in the way of me enjoying my good luck. I thought wrong.

I woke up on Thursday with a bit of a runny nose and I wasn’t feeling my best, but I was just looking forward to that night and I only had a 9-11 class because this time my 11-1 was the one without a meeting, so I thought I’d be in and out of school without a fuss. That was mostly true, except I drove like I was possessed, my head was just: Avengers, Avengers, Avengers, that I was zoning out on the road and in class. I got home and tried to take a nap, because we’d probably get home late and it was a school night, and I still had an early morning after that, but I was so excited I couldn’t fall asleep. So I moved up my workout, to make room for dinner out, and then I started getting ready.

It was my first “event” so I wanted to dress up and look my best, even if I was suffering from acne breakouts on my forehead. I picked out my outfit the night before and I even borrowed my sister’s heels. My sister’s shoe size is bigger than mine, but the straps are adjustable so they were a bit loose, but I could walk in them just fine. I put my hair in rollers to get some volume and I took more time and care in doing my makeup and concealing my blemishes. I had to wear my glasses though because one of my contact lenses got torn the other day and I didn’t have a spare pair.

But drama ensued. My sister’s class was until 4 pm and my parents were supposed to pick her up and they would all freshen up a bit and we would leave the house together to go to Shang at around 5. Mama called me that they would run a bit late, they were coming from Mama’s clinic and Papa’s office and they would pick up my sister between 4:30 and 5, and would be home 5:15, to 5:30 at the latest. I thought, no problem. But they got home at 6 pm and my sister was pissed off from waiting in school so long that she didn’t want to go out anymore and we had our respective hissy fits. This was the one time something good was happening for me, and they were possibly going to cause me to miss it or be late. I told Mama she should’ve told me they were going to be that late, then I would have picked my sister up myself. And it turned into a screaming match and blame game of how she shouldn’t have to ask me at all, and I should’ve just done it, no questions asked. And this is such utter bullshit. She was the one who called me and told me what time they’d get there, and like a fool, I believed my mother, and I went about getting ready. If she had been up front and just told me that she even suspected they would run so much later than expected, then I wouldn’t have minded taking the car and going back to UP for my sister. That’s how I work. If you tell me you’ll be there at that time, I’ll expect you to be there and act accordingly. But no, apparently it’s my fault my mother always says she’s fifteen minutes away when in reality it’s thirty! It’s my fault I took her word for it instead of seizing the reins and picking up my sister from school myself! When I had no idea! I’m no mind reader! I’m not clairvoyant! And that’s also the reason my sister was in a foul mood, because Mama told her she would be there. It’s not the waiting, as much as the knowing. Because she said she’d be there at that time, my sister waited outside like another dumbass believing in Mama and her sense of time. If from the start my sister knew they’d get there past 5:30 then she needn’t have stood there with no idea she had been taken for a fool. That’s what was most infuriating for me, that we were taken for fools. You can’t control the traffic, but you can control what you tell your children. And we were in the dark and believed she would keep her word! Whenever we tell her when we’ll be home, we’re always forthcoming about it. When we’re late, we own up to it and take responsibility. But no, not Mama. She always finds a way to turn things around and make it our fault.

I was fuming mad that I was in tears! It was my night with Papa, my one win, and she had ruined it. I ranted on Twitter about this, and I don’t really care to repeat what I said here. If not for waterproof mascara, I’d have had black streaks running down my face. I was so angry, and I felt so helpless against Mama’s disregard for my sister and me. She could’ve just been honest and we would have understood, and instead we could’ve have found a way to help each other. Instead she had yet again covered her own ass. It was so unfair and it was a black stain on an otherwise great movie night.

Papa, bless him and his patience, convinced my sister to come along, but we left the house past 6:30 already. I was still livid, and all the while I was thinking I never should have told them, and I should’ve gotten directions for Ortigas (I’m a Quezon City only driver) or taken a taxi and just gone alone. Sometimes I think Papa’s the only reason I haven’t run away. If there’s such a thing as going stir-crazy, there must be all-girls crazy from living in a house with Mama and my two sisters. It’s so dysfunctional and sometimes I think we’d all be better off living apart, because there’s so much friction and just too much estrogen under one roof! But for the love of Papa, I’d have up and gone AWOL a long time ago. So the drive to Shang was spent in stony silence, the air heavy with my rage.

The registration was at 7:30 and the movie at 8:50, but with moderate traffic, and looking for parking, we got there at 8. Once we were there, I resolved to put Mama out of my mind, since I’d be spending quality time with Papa without her, and she wasn’t worth getting worked up over. I wasn’t so familiar with Shang, so it took some time finding the way, but when I saw the line at a table with Nuffnang and PLDT myDSL tarps set up, I knew I had made it. I fell in line with Papa while Mama and my sisters bought their own tickets at a separate cinema because Cinema 2 was exclusive for the Nuffnang and PLDT myDSL event. While I was standing in line, I saw all these well-dressed, fashionable people, and photographers going around. There was even a photo booth next to the registration table. I felt somewhat out of place. Take note, my family doesn’t actually know I have a blog, and I only told them I won an online contest. I’m not trying to hide my blog, or keep it a secret, because if you Google me, it’ll surely turn up, but I haven’t told them about it because they are so nosy and they’d make a big deal out of it and I just didn’t want any more complications. Also, I haven’t quite come to terms with blogging myself. I wouldn’t really call myself a blogger. I have a blog, yes, but it’s a hobby, as I’ve said in my first post, and while I was standing there in line, I was in awe of the big time bloggers. There were some pretty familiar faces, but I didn’t know anybody. In short I was a nobody, and I felt in awe because I had no idea what I was doing, or what to expect.

My turn finally came, and among the Nuffnang people manning the registration table, was the representative who e-mailed me my invite. She looked pretty busy so I didn’t introduce myself anymore, but it was nice, and she was so pretty. My bad mood just about dissolved when I saw my name on the list. I was number 69, out of 70! That confirmed my initial suspicion that I was a back up, and I barely made the cut, so I thanked my lucky stars and claimed my tickets. It was already past 8, so by that time, the only seats left were in the front or very last row, so I picked front row.

I also got a PLDT myDSL goodie bag with a notebook, pen, lanyard, and pin. Papa actually kidded the lady handing out the bags if he would get one too, and she laughed, saying only one per blogger. Me, a blogger. Just imagine. And there was also a free cupcake! It came in a cute red box, and it was Red Velvet! I gave it to my sister as a peace offering, and she said it tasted really good. We learned that that movie wouldn’t start until 9, so we still had time to have a quick dinner. We all headed down to California Pizza Kitchen where one of my cousins works, so we got a discount. We were all really hungry by then, and I don’t remember the names of the dishes we ordered. There were shrimp rolls for the rest (I don’t eat shrimp) for an appetizer, a spicy pasta dish with beans and peppers, breaded chicken with some greens on top, and a typical pizza with your regular toppings. It was pretty good. I have to say, food bloggers are really commendable for having the restraint to take picture of their food first. All I have to show for are empty plates and platters because from the moment the food was served, we just ate our fill. The service was quick, the waiters were polite, and the food was good. Just one thing, they all gave us two forks, but no spoons. I know, California Pizza Kitchen is a foreign-based restaurant, but still, I wish they would provide spoons to cater to Filipino needs. Just saying.

Got this snapshot with Papa while waiting for our food. After eating, we went our separate ways. Their movie wasn’t until 9:30 so they strolled for a bit, while we went to Cinema 2 and waited for them to open the doors. We noticed that the line at the photo booth was gone, so we had a picture taken. The shots were so fast, it was 4,3,2,1, snap, then again, and again, and we barely had time to put on the accessories, so our pictures are all wacky. I like the first one most, because Papa looks like a gangster with the pink hat. The flash was really strong though, so I got washed out like a paper white ghost.

Finally, they opened the doors and we found our seats. It was really close to the screen. Normally we sit in the third or fourth row, generally we like to sit closer to the screen, but this was really up close. There was a short program with a host, whose name I forgot, thanking the sponsor, and of course reiterating PLDT myDSL’s Great Payday Sale promo, and they had a question and answer  portion with more prizes up for grabs! They were related to the details of the promo, and I knew about it, of course, having blogged about it, and I didn’t hesitate to yell my answer, since the catch was you had to be the first and the loudest to answer correctly. And I won another thing! A nifty little USB! By then I got my wind back in my sails, Mama drama or no, and I went to claim my prize from him, and when he asked me if I was a blogger, I proudly declared, “Of course I am, that’s why I’m here!” and that’s the moment when I knew it for myself!

The movie started right after that, and the whole cinema was packed, it was really a full house, with not just the winners, but also Nuffnang representatives, and there were people sitting along the aisles already. Since we were in the very front row we had to lean our heads back to see, and the picture was so crisp and clear. I’ve watched digital and in 3D at SM, but this was my first time to watch a movie at Shang (yes, really, because I frequent malls closer to home), and it was so much nicer. And more expensive, of course, in our ticket it said 2D and it was worth PhP 230 per ticket. So that was a minimum of PhP460, for Papa and me, not to mention all the freebies I got. Winning the contest was such a god-send! In spite of Mama, it was a blessing in disguise within a blessing in disguise. Blessings-ception!

Well anyway, the movie was mind-blowing, as expected! I mean, all my favorite macho men were there, including Papa, HAHA! And the cinema  was far superior to any I’ve ever been to, it was so clear, I could see the pores of Loki’s nose and Pepper Potts’ every freckle, down to the smallest of details! I didn’t feel the time fly by at all, because I was on the edge of my seat at every fight scene, with guns blazing, arrows flying, and with hammer throwing and lightning strikes. I really liked Scarlett Johansson kicking butt, and Christ Hemsworth’s biceps actually look larger in Avengers than in Thor! And I was totally drooling over Chris Evans’ (Captain America) butt while he was pummeling a punching bag. I’m really easy to please, just give me good action and wisecracks every now and then in the dialogue and I’m golden, and The Avengers had that in abundance. The whole audience was laughing when Thor said, “He’s adopted.” There were all these other witty lines and situations with double-entendre, but I’ll not spoil anything here, for the benefit of those who haven’t seen it yet. It’s a super hero movie, so of course it deals with having to save the world, nothing new there, but what’s changed the game for me, is the coming together of different action heroes with their own backgrounds so to speak. It’s a volatile mix. Tony Stark (Iron Man) isn’t a team player, Captain America’s an old-school dude, Thor is a demi-God with his own agenda, and The Hulk, is well, The Hulk. I might be weird, but I really liked Loki here. I guess I’ve always been a fan of the misunderstood villain type. All in all, it was a great experience, and I was glad I shared it with Papa. He always has my back. Though he fell asleep in some parts and I had to nudge him with my elbow. 

After the movie, we waited up for Mama and the sisters for about fifteen minutes, and the mall and all the shops were already closed, since it was the last full show. It looked creepy empty with just the security guards doing checks, and the janitors cleaning up and doing maintenance work.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally, they came out and we went home. It was already past midnight and all of us still had things to do the next morning. I was just exhausted at the end of it all. Physically and emotionally. The past two days was a roller-coaster ride of extreme highs and lows, happiness, then anger and pain. It was just too much to take and I got home drained and too tired to feel anything. I barely registered taking my makeup off and brushing my teeth and it was lights out before I knew it.

I woke up today still feeling the aftermath of emotional outbursts. I woke up spent, that is. And school was a tedious affair. I still had hard feelings at Mama, but I’d rather focus on the good that came out of it. I was fortunate enough to get the chance to take part in an event as a blogger, and I finally got to see The Avengers, which I waited so long for. But most of all, I got to spend time with Papa, and that’s what matters most. I got to share my happiness with Papa, and for once it was on me!

For that I can’t thank Nuffnang and PLDT myDSL enough.