Gratitude and Love: Mother’s Day Celebration

Our family isn’t vocal or demonstrative when it comes to affection. We don’t say I love you to each other or that sort of thing, it’s kind of implicit or a given. It’s just not us, we’re not prone to being all cuddly and expressive. We’re not touchy-feely. We’re not even big on gift-giving. When we were kids, yes we were, on receiving, that is. But as we got older and harder to please, our parents would just buy generic stuff because they never knew what to get us. I’ve grown older and (none the) wiser, but I’ve tried to show my appreciation and gratitude to repay my parents for taking care of me. I know just how hard it is to love me, how difficult I can be. And I know that while it seems there are times that my family drives me up the wall (and vice-versa), deep down, of course, I love them. Despite them, and in spite of myself, I do. We argue, fight, bicker, scream, and shout, and on occasion I get into catfights with my sisters (I know no maturity when provoked), but we’re family, and nobody can stand my weirdness like they do. And vice-versa.

Anyway, Mama and I don’t always get along. And that’s an understatement. I guess we’re too much alike in the wrong ways for that. We’re both too bullheaded for our own good and so we always lock horns or butt heads a lot, in a manner of speaking. I wouldn’t say I’m a rebellious or defiant child, but then again that’s a biased opinion. I have a mind of my own and I do things my way, and needless to say, that doesn’t make for the closest or warmest of mother-daughter relationships. So through the years, Mama and I have had our rough patches, and lots of friction in between, but we’ve stuck it out and put up with each other. What can you do? In Filipino, hindi matiis.

It’s only in recent years, that I’ve been saving up my allowance, that I’ve gotten presents for my family. They do say that it’s the thought that counts, and actually, the act of gift-giving is in itself a gesture, that conveys more than whatever gift it is one is giving, because giving is a gift as well. So I knew Mother’s Day was coming up, and I was stumped as to what to get Mama. Last Thursday, I knew time was running out for me, since I wanted to surprise Mama, and my window of opportunity to buy something for Mama unsuspected, was closing fast. I did a mental rundown of what Mama might like for Mother’s Day. We’re not the overly sentimental type, so flowers, while touching, just wilt and then there’s no other use for them other than looking pretty. I guess you could say we’re utilitarian that way, we appreciate more practical or consumable gifts that are useful, and then you remember the giver and how thoughtful they were to give gifts that served a purpose or satisfied a need. With flowers, ornaments, trinkets, and décor crossed off the list, I went to food, clothes, services, and cosmetics. But then I already bought a cake for Mama before, and as for clothes, I’m no good with guessing Mama’s size, as there’s no standard, and while I know Mama’s size in a particular brand, other brands vary, so I threw that out too. Last Christmas I got Mama a voucher for a full body massage, but I wanted to try something else this time. And I was left with cosmetics. For Mama’s most recent birthday, I got her lipstick, and I thought, you can never have too many, but then if I went to the mall after school, I would be missed, and then I’d have to come up with a cover story, and that’s such a hassle. Then I considered ordering from online shops, but then it might not get shipped in time for Mother’s Day.

That’s when I had the idea to go to Human Heart Nature! Their main branch in Commonwealth is close by enough, and I pass it everyday going home, that even if I were thirty minutes late, I could brush it off as staying after school to do research or whatever. The last time I went to their store, was before the renovation, so I was excited to see what it looked like and the new products they were offering and I knew Mama would also be pleased. Win-win, so they say. So last Thursday, I planned to make a quick stop at Human Heart Nature Commonwealth on my way home after school.

I had a presentation in one of my classes that day, so I dressed up a bit, and wore a printed red dress with layered tiers. It’s just an unbranded dress that I got in a small stall, almost a flee market really, in Hong Kong. I don’t remember how much it cost because that was back in 2010.

What I love about it is the unique print, it’s not really a design, just a pattern of different colors, as if you splattered different colored paints on a red canvas. It has a very light and breathable fabric, so it’s very comfortable and I like how the tiers in the skirt part give it some volume and it’s not just a plain old dress. I didn’t want to match head to foot, so I wore a pair of gray peep-toe flats. Unfortunately, I was a little heavier when I bought this, so with my current weight loss, it’s a little loose fitting on me. It’s not a big problem, but if not for the garter in the waist, I would look straight up and down.

 

As for my face of the day, please excuse my puffy eyes. Since I’ve started wearing makeup to school again, after my acne outbreak subsided, I’ve had to go back to waking up fifteen minutes earlier and it’s been an eye-bag inducing adjustment.

Here I have on Ever Bilena’s matte lipstick in Mauvey. I kept my lip color neutral so as not to clash with the bold colors of my dress.

I love looking fresh and radiant, sans the eyebags, of course, and I actually don’t really comb or brush my hair before going to school, I just fix my part and my bangs, but I leave the rest of my hair alone because I like the tousled, out of bed wavy look. By the time I get to school, it gets limp, so it’s no use combing or brushing, either way.

My last class finished early that day, and it was perfect for my trip to Human Heart Nature, because of the spare time, I’d get home the usual time and there’d be no questions asked. So after class, I drove the same route home, but I watched out for Human Heart Nature. Commonwealth is really, really long, and sometimes, I over/under estimate exactly where, along the span of Commonwealth, certain establishment are, especially since, when I drive, I pay more attention to the road, and though I notice the places I pass by, I don’t always remember the precise locations, and instead I have a vague idea of more or less their vicinity. For example, it’s near a gas station, and the like.

So when I was on Commonwealth, I drove under the speed limit for once, instead of the speed limit itself, so I could look out for it and not miss it. Anyway, I spotted it as soon as I saw the sign from a distance, and I made my way to it, but the area of Commonwealth where it’s at is near a pedestrian overpass, so jeepneys and buses make a stop there for passengers to get on and off, and that means, it’s hard to squeeze in there to find a parking space, with all the public transportation in the way. Thankfully, their security guard at the storefront assisted me in parking my car, giving me signals when I went in reverse. Even after over a year of driving without a chaperone, I still get unnerved in tight parking spaces, especially with going in reverse. I have a small car, so it’s relatively easier to squeeze into small spaces, but still, I break a sweat when I have to park in reverse. Thank God for that helpful security guard.

When I went inside, the layout was much the same as the old one, it was slightly bigger, with more shelving and seating, and more décor, but it was still the same interior, very cozy and homey. There was free coffee, but I’m not really fond of coffee and I wasn’t planning on staying long, anyway, so I passed. I browsed their newest products first and then I did a quick survey of the shop.

In the end, I chose the brand new Strawberry Hand and Foot Salve because Mama is always on her feet and she suffers from dry and cracked heels and since Mama works with her hands a lot, she can get dry hands too. I also got Mama the Natural Hair Mask because she sometimes has trouble taming her hair as it tends to get frizzy a lot. I thought both those products smelled really good and that Mama needed and would have a use for. I’ve tried other Human Heart Nature products myself in the past and I was pretty satisfied with the results, and I love how they don’t use any harsh chemicals and everything’s natural. I was tempted to buy some products for myself, but I told myself it could wait, and I went there for Mama and not for me. Another time, perhaps.

Actually, I also wanted to buy Mama one of their lipsticks and an eyeshadow trio, but the shades I wanted were out of stock. I was disappointed that even in the main branch they didn’t have everything readily available, and I would have understood, I wouldn’t have minded much, but one of their cashiers had such a bad attitude that it turned me off. The makeup that they have on display are testers and samples, and if you want to proceed with a purchase, you have to ask at the counter for brand new stock. I approached their counter and the attendant was in the middle of a telephone conversation. I didn’t interrupt her or anything, I just excused myself and waited for her to finish her call. I clearly announced myself and made myself known. But instead of acknowledging my presence with even a slight nod, or a simple “One moment, please,” and I would have been happy to wait, mind you, she just completely ignored me. Even when she finished talking on the phone, I had to get her attention yet again. I was thoroughly insulted, and I felt like she was so dismissive of me! And even when she finally entertained me after being so utterly inattentive, she was such a slowpoke, and by then I had run out of patience! When I inquired about the makeup, she didn’t know if it was in stock, and took a long time finding out, only to tell me they were out, and she was just pokerfaced and absent. Unacceptable!

I know I sound entitled, but I’m a paying customer! I was already angry and I just paid for the two items in my basket and I didn’t look around anymore for any other products. The only saving grace were the polite security guards yet again, who held the door open for me and assisted me in leaving the parking space and merging back into traffic. I was mildly placated by this good service, that I tipped the security guard, and I don’t normally tip, unless people go above and beyond to guarantee customer satisfaction. When I got home, I even sent a Tweet to the Twitter account of Human Heart Nature and they apologized and said they would see to it. I should hope so!

I hid my surprise present in the back of my closet, and bided my time for the perfect opportunity to present Mama with my simple and small token of love. I was busy on Friday with an exam, and on Saturday, I was slaving away on paper due for Monday. We had made plans to celebrate the occasion by going to Trinoma for lunch after hearing mass because there was another sale. Just this morning, at breakfast time, I greeted Mama and gave her my present. She seemed glad and I was happy that I could offer a little something and that I could brighten her day even just a bit. Again, I’m not the “I love you” kind, so I have to find other ways.

After breakfast I got ready for our day out and I wore a pale blue denim dress and my favorite pair of green sandals. I love how the blue denim looks old and faded and the details of the buttons, the garter, the stitching on the top, and the frill on the sleeves and the layering of the skirt part all add to the preppy look.

It’s a little big on me, because it was the last piece at the time that I got this, and smaller sizes were no longer available, but I liked it so much I just made do. But it being oversized does give it a more casual air. It looks like I’m out to have some lighthearted fun with my family and my dress isn’t in the way. HAHA!

I also wore this in Ilocos and it’s very comfy. I know it’s a bit short for Church, but whatever, okay. Don’t judge.

 

My makeup is pretty much the same-old same-old. Here I’m wearing Nyx Round Lipstick in Tea Rose and you won’t be able to see it because I have hooded eyes, but I have a tiny bit of cream colored eyeshadow on.

We were late to Church, but the mass also started late, so we were still on time, as it happens. There were more people than usual at that time slot, but that’s probably because today’s Mother’s Day after all. I can’t recall what the Gospel was about, but anyway all the priest talked about in the homily was tailored for the occasion, so it doesn’t really matter. It was all about paying tribute to all the mothers out there. There was a different priest today, not the Indian one from last week, but a Filipino one, and he had a Bisaya accent, so at times I had to strain my hearing to understand what he was saying. One of the readers, an old woman, also kept mispronouncing “Peter,” instead of the long “e” sound she used the short “e” and it was so off, and I felt so mean sniggering inwardly, but I couldn’t help it. That’s what you get when you take a voice and diction class, you’re all the more conscious not just of your own mistakes, but more so of others’. The mass was okay, I guess. The homily was appropriate, but also very generic, about a mother’s sacrifice. It was heartwarming, but I’ve heard it all before. What else is new? I would have hoped for something more personal from the priest.

After that, just like last week, we went to the mall straightaway. I actually wanted to offer to drive for Mama and the rest of the family, but I decided against it, since Mama wouldn’t have wanted me to. They still don’t have any confidence in my driving skills, and they’re afraid I’ll put them all in danger, so Mama would rather drive herself and get stressed out than have me behind the wheel fearing for her life as well as ours. I like to think I’ve improved greatly, but like I said in the start of this entry, Mama and I don’t agree on things like my driving, and besides, when I sense that my passengers are nervous, I also get nervous. This leads to me being jumpy, and at the tiniest little thing, Mama barks at me, like “Watch out for that motorcyle!” even when I do see it coming, and this vexes the hell out of me and makes for a tense car ride. So, for everyone’s peace of mind, Mama drove us to Trinoma.

We got there as the mall was just opening and there were plenty of parking spaces left, and we found one a short walk away from the mall entrance. It was still early, so we did some shopping before lunch. We went to The Ramp, Crossings, and I checked out the small outlets of the online shops for Charm Makeup Brushes, Dollface Cosmetics, and Ellana Minerals. I had been meaning to buy myself a proper eyeshadow palette and some makeup and more makeup brushes for the longest time, but I hadn’t gotten around to it because I prioritized buying my own camera first. But since I’ve been saving my allowance this summer and I got back the money I spent on my camera, I could afford it already. I don’t go to Trinoma often though because the layout does not make any sense, and whenever we go there, it’s like we’re walking in circles, and the stores don’t go in any logical order, and we’ve experienced going from one end of the mall to another unable to find what we were looking for, so I thought this was the right opportunity to get the makeup I’d long been yearning for, when Mama suggested Trinoma for Mother’s Day. I could always order online anytime, but then I waited to go to Trinoma because it seemed more reasonable, than to shoulder the additional cost of shipping, not to mention the inconvenience of depositing bank payments, contacting the sellers, etc. Face to face transactions with tangible outlets are still best.

So, I bought myself the Dollface 88 Color palette, the budget, or the most basic and versatile palette for a noob like me who just wants more variety, and some products from Ellana Minerals. I checked out Charm Makeup Brushes, but I didn’t get any more stuff, because I was already way over-budget, I still have to set aside money for our trip to Singapore in case I find something I like over there.

Since I’d checked out Dollface Cosmetic’s website long ago, I already knew what I wanted even before I went there. I was actually surprised by how compact the entire palette is! It somehow looked bigger in pictures, but of course that because of zooming in. But if you compare it to the mascara I got in the picture above, and to the small jars of Ellana products, you’ll see how small it is. I chose this palette, apart from the obvious reasons that it was the cheapest one at PhP 800, because I think it offers me the best color selection and the range is suitable for day and night and for bold and for neutral looks. What more can a girl ask for?

I really liked how helpful the salesladies were. I picked out the Ellana products before the Dollface palette, and the one assigned to Ellana was off somewhere, but the Dollface saleslady who was around attended to me to the best of her ability, and only went away apologetically to fetch the Ellana saleslady when my questions were already in depth about the Ellana products and were outside of her knowledge. When the Ellana saleslady arrived, she helped Mama and me pick out products for ourselves. Mama bought some blush, and I got well…a handful of products. I’ve been using Ellana Mineral’s foundation and blush for over a month now, and I’m really happy with the results, so I wanted to try out more of their products. I like how the products are local, yet are very high quality.

The first time I got anything from Ellana, I only bought 1 gram sample sizes for PhP 100 each, and from daily use, my foundation was already running low. I wanted to get a bigger size, the 4 gram jar, to last me a longer time, but it was out of stock, so I bought another 1 gram size. The shade I’ve been using is White Choco Mocha in Intensive Blend for oily skin, but I only picked that out from swatches online, and here there were complete testers, and I also asked for a second opinion from the saleslady, and she recommended that I use Café Breve instead. They’re both in the lightest shades, but they differ in undertone. Ellana’s shade guide says you should pick your undertone based on the color of the veins under your wrist. If your veins are mostly blue, you have a cool undertone, and your skin is pinkish. If your veins are mostly green, you have a warm undertone, and your skin is on the yellowish side. But if you have a combination of blue and green veins, that means you have a neutral undertone and you’re more olive skinned.

It sounds pretty simple, but it’s kind of tricky for me because I have both pink and yellow undertones and I have both blue and green veins. In the past, I used more pink based foundations to favor my face, but that would bring out the yellowness in my neck. When I tried yellow-based foundations to match my neck instead, it brought out the pinkness of my face. So I tried Ellana’s neutral undertone, and upon first application, it does come off on the pinker side, but since I’m acidic, it oxidizes later on to be a closer match to my skin. But both Mama and the saleslady agreed that I should switch to Café Breve of the warm undertone because that’s still more dominant, and I thought maybe they were right. I will road test this tomorrow to see if it does match me better, if not, at least I only got a sample size, and not a full size.

The rest of the Ellana products I got were a 1 gram jar of blush in the shade Happiness for PhP100, a 2.5 gram jar of their green color corrector at PhP 190, and 6 gram jar of their HD powder for PhP 420. I already have their blush in Fetish, but I wanted to try another shade, and the green color corrector is for my rosacea, to at least help neutralize some of the redness and my blemishes. I’ve been using Krave Minerale’s Oil Eliminator and Skin Hydrator, but I’ve almost run out, and since I was already buying a few things from Ellana, I thought I’d give their HD powder a try. It was only available in 6 grams, so I got it, and anyway, I’d probably use it up in no time, so no sweat.

After I got what I wanted at Ellana, I briefly considered buying a kabuki brush from either Charm or Ellana, but I have more than enough makeup brushes at is it, so I decided not to buy one anymore. I called on the Dollface saleslady and asked for the 88 color palette and she got one for me. I liked how, even though I was buying it in person, and not getting it shipped, it was still lovingly and carefully double-bubble wrapped inside the box and outside it. She even accompanied me to the closest counter, and it was a really big help because it was actually in the other end of the store. My total reached PhP 1610! My, oh my! No more spending for me until Singapore! I need my pocket money for shopping over there!

After that, we went to have lunch. We originally planned to eat at Conti’s, but Mama had a sudden craving for KFC! HAHA! We were on our way to Conti’s but we passed KFC and Mama had one whiff of the fried chicken and vetoed. It was her special day and so we went along, but who doesn’t like KFC? We ordered a bucket meal and just some mashed potato and coleslaw for Mama for our fixings and gobbled it all up with generous helpings of gravy from the nearby gravy refill station. I forgot to take a family picture because we were all so engrossed in lunch, sadly. There was a photo booth area, my sisters weren’t up to it, but Mama was, and we took some pictures, and then there was option to send it to you e-mail address or to publish it on Facebook, but there was an unknown error, even though I was following the directions, so I couldn’t retrieve a copy. Boo. And here we had some cute pictures too.

In any case, we went to Landmark Department Store, where the sale was, since it wasn’t mall-wide, unlike SM’s big sales. And surprise, surprise! Apart from the discounts in Landmark, Maybelline was having its own sale and all the products were on 20% off, I think. My Cat Eyes mascara that I’ve been using the past few months was actually getting dried up, and I needed to buy another tube, and there it was, from PhP449, it was marked down to just PhP 359! And Mama also bought herself a nice lipstick from Maybelline and some Baby Lips lip balm for my youngest sister, all discounted, so she offered to pay for my mascara, since I paid for all the things I bought earlier! Of course, I didn’t say no when Mama was in the mood to buy me mascara! Thank you, Mama!

We bought some other toiletries in the cosmetics department before we went to the clothes, shoes, and apparel section. Mama and my sisters looked for bathing suits, since I already got one the last trip to the mall, but Landmark didn’t really have a wide selection of swimsuits, so only one of my sisters got a swimsuit. We didn’t have any luck either with clothes and shoes, so we went to the Home Department. That’s usually Mama’s thing, furniture and appliances, but we tagged along since it was Mother’s Day. We didn’t buy anything more at Landmark, and we were ready to go home, because there’s not actually much to see or do at Landmark.

On the way back to our car, we stopped to buy a chocolate cake from Hungry Pac. We tried it right away when we got home, as dessert and sort of an early merienda or afternoon snack. It was really moist, fresh, and light and the icing was really good. It’s not as heavy or rich as most cakes, and not too sweet either, so you can help yourself to a thick slice and not get sick or in Filipino umay or suya. I only got a medium sized slice, though.

All in all, Mother’s Day this year was nice. I hope I’ve managed to make Mama happy today. Our relationship is far from perfect, but we keep at it and we’ve stood by each other through thick and thin, because family’s all we’ve got. It’s not a bed of roses at all, but we have our moments, and that’s what counts. Love is love.

Thank you, Mama!

Rainy Days and Skin Talk

I’ve battled acne ever since I hit puberty, and even until now that I'm already 20 years old, it’s still a daily struggle for me to have clear skin. It runs on both sides of the family, and I guess I got the full brunt of hereditary skin conditions, not to mention my rosacea, or skin redness. I’ve been going to the dermatologist for years to treat my acne and I’ve used all a manner of prescription medications, ointments, soaps. I’ve endured discomfort and pain from chemical peels and facials, the sting of special toners and astringents, all in the name of fighting acne. Certainly, at present this is the clearest complexion I’ve had in years, because all throughout grade school and high school, my acne was much, much worse. Thankfully, my acne wasn’t the cystic kind, but more of a barrage of whiteheads and blackheads. However, I used to have such awful acne on my back, chest, and shoulders, that I couldn’t wear sleeveless tops, and it really hurt my self-esteem and to this day I have lingering insecurities. I had to go through five peeling sessions back in high school to go to prom wearing a tube dress. I actually have very few pictures from middle school to high school because I was always so self-conscious about my skin and I felt so hideous, and I didn’t want to be photographed at all. There is actually this huge gap in our family photo albums, when acne had nearly destroyed any and all self-confidence I had.

I had tried just about everything, and I almost lost hope of ever having normal skin. But in my last year of high school, leading up to the months before my high school graduation, I so desperately wanted to be able to have a decent graduation picture and not feel ashamed in my own skin, so I did some extensive research on alternative treatments, and that’s when I learned about the pill, or oral contraceptives. Apart from being birth control, one of the side-effects or benefits of taking estrogen is that it suppresses androgens, or male hormones, that cause acne. I begged Mama to let me go on oral contraceptives to see if taking hormones would help alleviate my acne. Mama’s an OB-GYN herself and she consulted with my dermatologist, as well as her other doctor colleagues, including a fertility specialist, before she agreed to let me try it. And I’m not naïve, I know what the implications are, and you can judge me all you want, but we talked about it, and my parents trust me enough to be responsible for myself, so even if they had their reservations, they gave me permission, because it had gotten to the point where nothing could keep my acne at bay, and even with my dermatologist’s intervention, I would likely end up with scarring if it didn’t let up.

They always say that it gets worse before it gets better, and that certainly was the case with taking pills. The first month, I would get dizzy and lightheaded, and it wasn’t until more than three months later that I saw results, which were minimal at that. I actually barely made it in time for my graduation to have clearer skin. Before taking pills, I had a pretty regular, if heavy period, and the pill has made my period like clockwork, and has lightened and shortened my period, so that was a plus. So now that I’m in college, I’ve been on the pill for little over three years and the pill has helped immensely, but it hasn’t eliminated my acne. Not by a long shot. I’m still using other maintenance topical acne medications like gels and creams, because I still get breakouts. And there’s also the question at the back of my mind, what if I stop taking the pill? Would my acne return full force? There’s always that fear, but then, when does it end? Do I have to take it forever and ever? Is there no cure? Only treatments? I have heard of Acnetrex, but after researching it, it’s way too extreme for me, and even my dermatologist advised against it, because that was reserved for the worst kind of acne. So here we are now.

Yes, for sure, this is the best my skin has seen, but after years of suffering from acne, you can still see traces of the aftermath. I have scars and hyper-pigmentation and on my fair skin, even a tiny blemish looks so obvious. If you knew me from before, then you would agree that this is the best my skin has ever been, but by normal standards, my skin would still be classified as problem skin. These past two weeks leading to my period, I’ve had a nasty breakout on my forehead, that have only just begun to dry up. The pimples I got all over my forehead were the angry, red, and painful to touch kind, tender and sore.

Just yesterday, I took these pictures. Sorry, no before and after pictures here. You can see the blemishes on my forehead and chin. They’re all dried up pimples already, if you touch them, they’re smooth and flat already, not bumpy at all, but they leave unpleasant red marks that take a long, long time to fade.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no makeup in the two above pictures, I only applied my Etude House Sun Powder Cotton Touch Primer Base as a sun block and moisturizer over my acne antibiotics, after cleansing and toning my skin. I haven’t worn any makeup to school these past two weeks, just sun block to protect my skin, because I thought my makeup might be aggravating my sudden acne flare up, and I wanted to use as few products as possible, so as not to make my acne worse. Sometimes, my skin just needs a break or a breather from all my superfluous stuff. With a healthy diet and plenty of sleep, plus religious skin care, my acne is dying down already, but just a few days ago, my pimples were these almost welt like things on my face! My bangs helped cover up the worst of it though. But at home, I pin them back and away from my face.

Anyway, this whole week has been surprisingly rainy, after the long and hot dry spell! It’s been raining hard mostly on afternoons, but yesterday, it was pouring all day, almost! In class we had a hard time hearing each other because of the rain. I won’t go into my problems with my PI 100 class, because really it’s not worth it. I’ve come to realize during my stint in UP, that there are all sorts of characters, and pseudo-intellectual professors that get a kick out of messing with students come a dime a dozen. They are not worth it.

So, yesterday, I was wearing a pink shirt and a mini skirt with my green sandals. As it happens, every time it rains hard, I am coincidentally almost always wearing these green sandals. It’s like these sandals are cursed to be ruined by the rain. I have a car now, so at least commuting isn’t an issue, but even when I parked just across the building with a short walk, AS parking lot has all these ruts and pot holes and enormous puddles and walking to and from my car I got all these muddy splashes on the back of my calves, and my sandals were dirty. Good thing these have sturdy workmanship and good leather or it would be such a shame. UP is a great place for walking, but a bad place for nice shoes. Almost all my shoes are the durable kind and it’s hard to find shoes that serve both form and function. This is one of those. But I've had one experience before when I was wearing a pair of flimsy and cheap sandals and the strap broke on my commute home, and I walked home hobbling like a cripple, and all the other commuters were staring at me and my broken shoes.

Going back to my outfit, I’ve had this shirt since high school, and as I’ve mentioned, getting fit has allowed me to wear clothes that I thought I’d never fit into again, the mini included. I love this mini, the hem has frayed ends on purpose and it has that rugged effect. I love how mini’s get attention. Or is it my legs…? HAHA Sorry, I just couldn’t resist. But yeah, all summer long I’ve been wearing either shorts or mini skirts five days a week to school because of the heat! In fact I wore this mini last week, maybe you might even remember it from one of my previous posts. I’m an outfit repeater, guilty as charged!

After school, I went home straightaway, and the rain had stopped so at least my drive home wasn’t difficult. I ate lunch, and then Mama took me and my youngest sister to the dentist for a check-up and my dentist told me I was “blooming” and I should dress up like this more often. She has no idea I’m recovering from a breakout and I always dress like this anyway. But I guess she’s used to my frumpy old self from years of being her patient.

While we were there, it started raining really hard again, and there was a bit of flooding by the time we left. We picked up my other sister from UP and had an early dinner at Shakey’s. We haven’t eaten at Shakey’s in a while, so it was great. We headed home and I went about the usual things. Like continuing my Fringe marathon.

Le sigh.

I’m saving my skin and hair care products post, as well as my makeup collection and storage for another day. Do watch out for those posts in the coming days. I’m so sorry for the long wait, it’s been on my list forever, I’ve just been distracted lately, I guess.

Fierce Friday

There’s a certain policy that I abide by, and that is Strictly No Homework on Fridays, meaning all my assignments can wait until Saturday, but Friday, afterschool, is exclusively Me Time. Unless of course I’m having an exceptionally hellish hell week, that’s the only time that rule doesn’t apply anymore, and the last semester that happened with alarming frequency, much to my chagrin, and it felt like my academic load, was holding my weekends hostage, and I was captive to never-ending tasks the whole semester. Thankfully, that’s not (yet) the case this weekend, with one week of Summer classes officially behind me. Right now I’m still semi-carefree, but I’m sure, without fail, my school work will pile up before long, so I’m really just enjoying the calm before the storm, in a manner of speaking.

Anyway, I’m not really an outgoing person, so I prefer relaxing on Fridays to nights out and parties with friends. In short I just like to forget all about the school week that passed and all the work I have to get to, even if it’s only for a short while, so I can have some quiet or peace of mind and not worry about the coming week. Occasionally I go out to the movies, and I have been wanting to watch Titanic 3D, but the miser in me isn’t willing to blow PhP300 all in one go, when I’ve already seen it before, besides the much awaited Avengers is showing soon and I’d rather save the money for then. But I feel a bit bad about missing out on Titanic, I bet the experience is way different on the big screen, and in 3D at that. I was still a little kid when it first came out in cinemas, and I only watched it when I was a little bit older, on TV, so that pales in comparison to a movie theater. But between Titanic and Avengers, I’d still choose Avengers, no matter how that pains me. Oh, Jack. My mind was made up, so I went home after my classes and stayed home today. Maybe other people need more excitement and fun, but I’m content with that.

Before I go on, I’ll just go over how my day went, and also touch a little bit on Wednesday and Thursday, because I missed blogging on those days. They weren’t really eventful, but it’s better to round off the week. I was feeling a bit down in the dumps after Tuesday, and I didn’t really feel any better on Wednesday and Thursday. Don’t get me wrong, my classes are actually fun and I like my professors, but I’m still hung up on this Summer and I haven’t quite wrapped my head around going to school Monday to Friday, when I could be frolicking, instead of studying. I’ve tried to rationalize it away to avoid my own drama, but it’s hard to do when the heat about takes away my zest for life. It’s not so bad, at this rate, because my classes are from 9 am to 1 pm and it’s still tolerable with my one air-conditioned classroom, but it only gets even hotter after that, and it just saps me of all my energy. Though I’ve tried compensating by wearing the skimpiest or thinnest and least clothes I can get away with, short of indecency, and by drinking more water, my throat always feels dry and parched, and it always feels like I’m melting and sweating away whatever spirit I have. If that doesn’t dampen anybody’s enthusiasm, literally, I don’t know anymore.

I break a sweat even before I’m out the door, and just getting into my car, which about halves the little patience I have, if any, to begin with. My sister knows this best, and combined with Manila traffic, I bark curses, honk my horn without restraint, I refuse to yield to other motorists, and I drive pretty aggressively. She has an earlier class so Mama and Papa drive her to school and I take my own car later, so she can’t always keep an eye on me and keep my road rage-tendencies in check. I pose more of a danger to myself than to other motorists when I’m angry, because I seriously will not give way, not even to a bus, if the driver doesn’t have the right of way, and that sort of thing. I sometimes have these urges to put motorcyles in their place, but I know better and I just leave them alone. My sister is my passenger most of the time, but she’s also my built in traffic enforcer, chiding me for violations of safe driving. But even if she’s not with me, she was thoughtful enough to burn a CD for me to play in the car while driving to help me stay cool.

I don’t like listening to the radio when I drive because it can be distracting when the DJ’s talk, so I play CD’s and music. For the longest time I’ve just been alternating between Sitti and Nina. They’re both local artists, OPM, and they used to keep me mellow, but over months of repetition, they’re not effective anymore, and my sister’s been wanting to introduce me to an up and coming band, called One Direction, so she prepared a CD for me. At first I wasn’t really interested, I’d heard of them before, but I’m not really up to date on musical acts and bands. But nonetheless, I was touched that she was sharing it with me. We don’t really have interests in common, so it’s nice to meet in the middle like that. But as it turns out, One Direction is actually good car listening! In fairness, the bubblegum pop and teenybopper, feel good music and the pubescent sounding voices reminiscent of Backstreet Boys and A1 (I feel so old) gave me good vibes! It’s not normally my type of music, but as far as keeping me from turning into a devil behind the wheel, how can you lose your temper even if you’re stuck in traffic, when there are all these upbeat and cute voices? No joke! Thanks, darling sissy-poo! It’s good LSS (Last Song Syndrome) material when you’re sandwiched between cars in bumper to bumper traffic, that I’ve been experiencing the past two days at Tandang Sora flyover.

In any case, my driving mood notwithstanding, half-day morning classes are still a drag because of the heat. And I’m hungry all the time! Having breakfast at seven and class until one totally throws off my ideal lunch hour between 11 and 12. I bring small snacks for lunch just to get through my classes, but then I end up gorging myself come merienda time! Tsk tsk tsk. That means my workouts are payback time! I thought it was hard having classes the whole day, then having homework, and working out regularly, but that wasn’t in this summer heat! Even if my classes are only half-day, I get home really, really tired. Not to mention, leaving the car parked out in the sun for four hours turns the steering wheel and the seat-belt burning hot to the touch and I have to turn the air-conditioning on for a while before I can drive off.

My summer prospects are a bit bleak if the heat continues like this, however, things are starting to look up somewhat. Willing or not, I’m falling back into a school rhythm, and today being Friday, I was in a better mood, in anticipation of the weekend and I just tried to channel zen and whatnot so my classes would go by faster. Sometimes all it takes is an attitude adjustment to have a smooth day. I would know, I am a queen among drama queens. Going back, the last few nights I’ve been sleeping way earlier to recover from the strain of the hot days, and I have to say it’s been a big help! I woke this morning feeling really light after my late night Hip Hop Abs workout. I went through my usual morning rituals and cam-whored a little before going to school.

Here’s a little face of the day, which isn’t out of the ordinary, but today I used Nyx Round Lipstick in Thalia. My undereyes are a bit puffy, but oh well, that’s life. I’m glad that the pimple I had above my left eyebrow has begun to dry up, but another has taken its place on the left side of my nose. Nothing a little makeup can’t take care of, so no problem. By the way, this is how my hair looks because I don’t wash my hair in the mornings to save time (I do it at night, and it doesn’t get dirty when you sleep after all), and when I shower in the morning I twist my hair up in a bun so it won’t get wet, and it gets wavy when I let it down afterwards. It gets limp as the day goes on though, but I took this picture before leaving to show you how much volume I can give my hair with just tying it. And for my outfit of the day, like I said, my clothes are getting shorter by the day, so today I wore a yellow shirt, a denim mini skirt, and my trusty sandals. I bought this skirt in first year and even then it barely fit, but now I have wiggle room! I love short skirts. In the case of skirts, I admit to flaunting my legs, but more than that, they help keep me cool. It’s so refreshing to feel the wind in your legs. I’m so glad UP doesn’t have a dress code. Back in high school our skirts had to go down to our ankles, almost, and the fabric was so thick and hot and stuffy!

 

 

Alright, Speech 111 and PI 100 were both really fun and not too heavy today. My professors were also in the mood for the weekend and didn’t keep me. I love how my Speech 111 professor is prone to going off topic when she remembers something in connection to the lesson and goes off into funny anecdotes and she lapses into thoughtful pauses only to share amusing stories. It kept things light and it was nice, in between vocal exercises to laugh. My PI 100 class was also pretty casual, our professor being hip and cool. I like his approach of humanizing Rizal for us to better understand him as a person, as a man, as a boy. In high school, my teacher just put him on a pedestal and reduced studying Rizal’s life to insignificant trivia, like memorizing his whole name, when there’s so much more than can be said of Rizal’s childhood and background than just his entire family tree and his full name! Our professor wants to debunk the myth of Rizal to show us Rizal as just a man. I like it so much more that way, unconventional and interesting.

Well, that was that, I hurried home, Friday was all mine after that! Another thing I was looking forward to was the hot lunch waiting for me at home, since it was market day, and that only means sinigang na baboy, corn, and fresh fruits! I got home, even with barely any traffic, a little bit past 1, and the homefolks had gone ahead without me and by the time I got back the sinigang and the rice weren't as piping hot as I would have liked, but it was still so delicious and hearty.

After lunch, I let my hair down, both figuratively and literally because I put it up. Here’s a shot of my makeup after classes. Some shine, but otherwise, it held up nicely in the heat. Thanks, mineral makeup!

 

 

 

 

So, my activity for the afternoon was to watch old Filipino movies! The day before, I watched Ishmael Bernal’s Manila By Night, and today I watched Lino Brocka’s Maynila sa Kuko ng Liwanag. I looked for a copy of Bayaning Third World for my PI 100 class, and while searching for it, I stumbled onto channels on YouTube with lots of old Filipino movies that I’ve wanted to watch for a long time. We’ve discussed those two Manila films in Film 100 and in my other majors, but I hadn’t seen them until now. I knew what to expect since I already had an idea of what they were all about, but still there’s nothing like the real deal. Bernal and Brocka have such nuanced visual story-telling, and coupled with twisted plots, dark themes, and a stellar cast! Oh, how I wish there were directors in the same league as them, right now, to produce quality films of old. But then everything’s so homogeneous, it’s all boils down to formula love stories between look-alike actors and actresses, a dime a dozen. You don’t find actors and actresses that have distinct looks anymore, it’s all carbon copies. Bea Alonzo and Angel Locsin combined are nowhere near as beautiful as Lorna Tolentino, Rio Locsin, and Alma Moreno. And not even John Lloyd Cruz can best Bembol Roco when he still had hair! Okay, so both Manila By Night and Maynila sa Kuko ng Liwanag were tragic, or didn’t have happy endings, but it’s just what I needed. I’d been feeling disillusioned and jaded lately and a dose of social realism was just what the doctor ordered. Happy endings would have only made me feel all the more at odds with myself.

 

While watching, I had a tall glass of Rocky Road and Double Dutch ice cream for merienda. Remember my avocado dirty ice cream on Tuesday? Well, I told the story to my parents and yesterday they brought home a gallon tub of Selecta ice cream. In the past, a half-gallon was just for me. I could bulldoze it in one sitting. I am not exaggerating. Now, however, I still consume that same amount, but over two days, and not just in one fell swoop. And then I pay a high price for it by working out extra hard! But it’s all worth it, because the ice cream was just so divine. It gives me a greater sense of purpose when I work out. I work out so I can enjoy my food without any guilt. Do these lips look guilty? That’s how I love my ice cream, right down to every lip-smacking spoonful. Chocolate lipstick and all.

 

 

 

Speaking of working out, after finishing the movie, I removed all of my makeup with my ever reliable Pond’s cold cream and then I washed off any residue with Pond’s Antibacterial Facial Scrub to get ready to wok out. Say hello to my squeaky clean, makeup free face!

 

 

 

And then I readied my gear. I laid out my mat and prepared my water bottles for the downpour of sweat that I knew was going to come. Besides, the heat wasn’t letting up and my electric fan was aimed at my laptop where I follow the exercise video from on top of my desk, to keep it from overheating, so I would go without any cool air.

 

I changed into my workout attire after that. I’m into my third week of the Hip Hop Abs program and it’s gotten more and more intense! I’ve actually seen a difference already. My arms and legs feel leaner and tighter, and my oblique's have gotten more defined. I haven’t bulked up at all, but my muscles have gotten firmer! Today’s workout was particularly ferocious! I was practically a boneless heap on my mat when I was done! My whole body was crying out in surrender after a full hour of torture! And my sweat was phenomenal. I could feel the fat droplets rolling down my back, my arms, my chest. Beads of sweat just cascading down my body. I was soaked, I had bathed in my sweat, in the fire of my limbs! My rosacea was on high alert too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All for the greater glory of this temple. Friday is for kicking butt!

Friday the 13th

Up until last night I was still in denial that I had to go back to school today, and I kept hoping North Korea’s rocket launch would warrant a suspension of classes. It’s not because I’m superstitious or anything, but starting Summer Classes on a Friday, and on Friday the 13th at that, is not just ominous, it’s wrong. Come on, it’s Friday for crying out loud! How can anyone in their right mind be up for starting Summer Classes on a Friday, out of all the days of the week? Pick any other day, even Sunday, I’d wager on that Rebecca Black song, just please leave Friday alone. Friday leads up to the weekend, and it’s the most looked forward to day of the week, it’s practically sacred, and to mar that special day is heinous. Besides, what do they hope to accomplish dragging us out of bed on a Friday, only for classes to be interrupted by the weekend anyway? How counterproductive! Why couldn’t it have waited until Monday, then we could’ve started things right and proper?

But this is UP and the Academic Calendar is the law. I can only think of two rare occasions that it didn’t get followed, back in my freshman year, one when we didn’t get to have a Freshman Welcome Assembly because of the H1N1 virus scare, and another time when Finals Week got extended because of Typhoon Ondoy. So, short of the threat of a contagious disease and a devastating flood, no silly reverence for Friday or fear of bad luck will keep classes from pushing through, I’m afraid. And the rocket launch failed too, so that about ruled out the possibility of classes being cancelled. My inner Jennifer Aniston is not cool with that at all.

Anyway the show must go on, so I woke up at the ungodly hour of 7 am, and thanked my lucky stars I didn’t take a 7 am class. It’s one thing to wake up at 7, and quite another to have to be in school by 7. Until sophomore year, I took 7 am GE classes, but starting junior year, with majors and a few electives on the side, I just couldn’t take it anymore, waking up everyday so early. At least this summer I was spared by CRS, and my classes are from 9 am to 1 pm.

I went to sleep last night a little bit past 11, after half-heartedly preparing my things, so I didn’t get a full eight hours of sleep, and right from the moment I woke up bleary-eyed, disoriented, and sluggish to my blaring alarm clock, and I use an old Nokia cell phone for my alarm clock so it’s loud and impossible to sleep through, I knew I had woken up on the wrong side of bed. Not even Hip Hop Abs’ Shaun T. and his energetic Last Minute Abs routine could lift my mood and I stumbled downstairs grumpy, and I wreaked havoc in the kitchen, spilling milk and coffee and cooking runny oatmeal. Those little things just all get magnified and they add up to a pissy me, all a-bitching and moaning.

But a cold shower on a stiflingly hot morning did the trick, and I gradually came to terms with Summer classes on a Friday and I got ready in a jiffy. Commonwealth traffic wasn’t heavy, and I kept my cussing to a minimum, reserved only for the worst drivers, and when I got to UP, I found the perfect parking space, a short walk away from my building. Hooray! I got there fifteen minutes before my class, which was just as well because I still needed to look for my classroom. On my way up to my classroom at the Faculty Center, I ran into one of my friends who happened to be my classmate and we looked for the room together. The Faculty Center is like a maze of hallways, so even if the doors are numbered, it’s still easy to get lost and miss what you’re looking for. We found it before long, and by coincidence, two more friends of mine were also my classmates! It was a really pleasant surprise, because I don’t make it a point to take classes with my friends, or coordinate with them so we’d have a class together. But it’s always nice to see familiar faces! At least I’ll be spending Summer in the company of friends!

My first class that morning was Speech 111, Elements of Voice and Diction, and our professor had a prior engagement so she gave us a brief overview of the course and an assignment for next meeting, and then dismissed us early, at around 10. As a bonus, my classroom was air-conditioned! Air-conditioned classrooms are few and far between in UP, except for audio-visual rooms and offices, and I really lucked out this time, because it’s so hot at the Faculty Center, all the rooms face windowless hallways! So far, so good, and as far as first impressions go, I liked my professor fine and the course seems promising! And on a funny note, when our professor called the roll, one of our classmates is named Prince Philip! I am not kidding. He was absent though, so now I’m curious to know what he looks like.

Speaking of first impressions, I wanted to dress to impress on the first day of Summer classes you never know who you might meet, after all, and last night I picked out this outfit of the day. It kind of looks like a separate top and a striped skirt, but it’s actually a dress, with a garter to cinch in your waist. As usual, I wore my favorite sandals from Stacatto. I bought them for my 19th birthday and they’re so comfortable to walk in, and I’m the type to walk with a bounce in my step, the wind in my hair effect, and a wide grin, when I look and feel good. (I’m so vain). As for my face of the day, I kept my makeup simple and clean, and I wore one of my favorite lipsticks, Ever Bilena’s Matte Lipstick in Mauvey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back in high school, aside from the fact that we had uniforms, I didn’t really bother trying to make a good first impression, because whether they liked me or not, and vice-versa, we would be spending a year together. I was not likeable in high school. I’m still an Ice Queen, but I’ve learned to lighten up and take myself less seriously. A little bit. 

Since we had an hour to kill, I hung out with my friends at Palma Hall (fondly called AS) for a while before heading to my 11 am PI 100 class. It was nice catching up with them, talking about how our vacations went, comparing and joking about our plans for internship, just really easygoing stuff. They also had PI 100 at 11, but they were in a different section, just a few doors down from mine, so we went our separate ways.

The size of my PI 100 class was supposed to be for thirty students, but our small room was packed, and all the seats were occupied, so it kind of looked like the Department of Filipino and Philippine Literature allowed overbooking. There were even students passing by and peeking inside the room, perhaps hoping for a chance to get in the class, even after the registration period was over, but they would get discouraged by the full classroom. And because we were that many, all that body heat with only two old ceiling fans, made the room a sauna. It was that hot.

While waiting for the professor to arrive, my stomach began rumbling like crazy because I had breakfast at 7, and by 11, I was starving, good thing I prepared a light lunch for me to take that morning, crackers, cheese, a banana, and some water. Before leaving the house, I had a choice between taking a banana or an orange, and I went with the banana, because I’d have a hard time peeling the orange. But there’s all this stigma to eating bananas in public, and it made me conscious in a class full of guys. It was hard enough not to draw attention to myself eating in my seat with my crunchy crackers and cheese, and I tried to eat the banana as discreetly as possible, but the banana wouldn’t have it. I shifted my eyes down and didn’t make eye contact with anyone, but I could feel the stares burning into my scalp and I remembered all those 9GAG banana memes. I finished eating it as fast as I could, it had gotten mushy in my bag, so it wasn’t very delicious.

But while I was eating, I noticed the graffiti on my desk. It was so striking, nanlilisik na bulag. In Filipino, nanlilisik is like a death glare or like your eyes are flaring in anger, but bulag means someone who is blind, so it’s kind of ironic. And as I sat there munching away, I wondered who had sat in that chair before me and what was going through his or her mind at the time. I sometimes wonder if historical figures had used the same classrooms, I mean UP has produced a lot of statesmen and lawyers and other revolutionary figures, and I’ve always been curious, if I’ve walked the same path as them, crossed the same hallways, or been in a room their presence graced, and what they were like as students, that sort of thing. Did they ever vandalize? Were they already greats in the making, or were they just like me, struggling for honor and excellence, getting by day to day? I can’t imagine Miriam Defensor-Santiago not having the answers or just chilling out on AS Steps. Some of the worst, or best, depending on how you look at it, graffiti I’ve seen are in restrooms, especially in the Math Building. The Math Building girl’s room, especially the second cubicle has all these cries for help and entreaties to God to help them pass Math subjects, and Math used to be this gloomy building that emanated sheer misery. It’s gotten renovated and re-painted though, so I don’t know how the restroom looks anymore, but in general the Math building’s gotten a face lift.

But going back, the most common graffiti is the “Push to Eject Prof Button” on desks and I’ve seen really creative and well-drawn “buttons,” like on a launcher pad, and there were times that I really did press my thumb with impotent fury into my desk when I had really bad professors, and would feel better somehow, imagining my professors flying out of their seats and into the ceiling, with their legs dangling. But I had no such recourse here, because unlike my first class, my PI 100 professor didn’t show up to class. I was partially glad that I could go home early, but also a bit annoyed that there wasn’t an announcement or a notice at least. The policy for a free-cut, is one third of the period, and during Summer, a 3 unit class meets for 2 hours everyday, so that’s forty minutes wasted, that could have been put to better use. And I actually stayed fifteen minutes past the free cut even when a lot of my classmates had left already because there are some profs who still show up, just to troll and see if any students wait up. I was the second to the last to leave, at that. Oh well, I know two people in class, so at least it wasn’t a total loss.

On my way home, I really wanted to see the sunflowers again, so I passed by University Avenue, and on my way there, I passed all the beautiful trees along the Academic Oval. I love it when everything’s bright and green and the tree branches meet in the middle and it looks like an umbrella of foliage. I’m sorry that the picture is sideways, I took it while I was driving, and I had one hand on the steering wheel. I was going slow and I kept my eyes on the road, but yeah, there won’t be a next time. Bad driver.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also passed by the University Theater, and I saw people hanging up a sign there, and though I didn’t get to see the whole thing, I’m pretty sure it says “Serve the People,” addressing the graduating class and reminding them of their duty to the country as Iskolar ng Bayan, or scholars of the nation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Best of all, here are the sunflowers! Aren’t they a sight to behold? They’re already so tall! They fill my heart with warmth and hope.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I got home in a little more than fifteen minutes and cam-whored as usual by my window, where I get the best light. It was dark in the Faculty Center bathroom, making it hard for my camera to focus, even with face detection, and I didn’t want to use flash because it just makes colors look so cooked, not washed out, but cooked. And besides, I was conspicuous enough taking pictures in the bathroom without flash, and the other girls were giving me pointed looks. This is also just to show you how my makeup looks after a half-day of getting sweaty and oily, it hasn’t budged! If anything, my makeup actually looks better because it’s oxidized from my acidic skin and my foundation matches my skin tone closer than when I first put it on. And a little oil made me more dewy-looking and glowing, than when it was completely matte from fresh application.

All in all, it wasn’t such a bad Friday the 13th. I’ve had worse first days of school. At least one out of two professors were present. I’ve experienced an all-day free cut before because all my professors weren’t back from vacation yet. Or even if they were back, they didn’t come to class the first week just to hide from students trying to go through Adding Matriculation (Ad Mat) into their classes. That’s UP life for you, so all things considered, Friday the 13th was a hit and miss at the same time, but I want to focus more on the good. The sunflowers were too pretty for my life. One more year to go before I can proudly hold my head up to the sunshine like the sunflowers and spread my arms out in oblation.